Two of my three kids are grown, so I think I can safely say now that I wish they had taken a gap year between high school and college, or during college. At least they studied abroad.

The amount of worldly knowledge and independence they gained from studying abroad got me thinking about the corollary to dating after divorce.

For every woman in the 50+ age group who responds to one of my articles, hopeful about dating again, an equal number write back with a heavy sigh: “Never again. I’m done.”

If you’re a woman over 50 and haven’t done at least 7 of the 10 things I’ve listed below, you may be missing out on your “Main Character Era.”

I don’t mean get back together with the man you divorced.

I certainly don’t mean stay with someone who abuses you.

I mean, in early dating—even in texting. I mean, when something rubs you the wrong way and you’re ready to call it quits before chemistry has had a chance to develop.

I get this a lot as a dating coach: Women send me their online dating profile to analyze—as if I could tell them whether it’s “good” or “bad” without knowing them first.

That’s not how it works.

Once women are done complaining to me about how older men are only looking for younger women, they turn around and complain that they’ll end up being an older man’s nurse, purse, or, dreadfully, both!

If you’re a woman in later years looking for a mature man around your own age, there are some things you should expect. This list isn't meant to scare you—it’s to help you experience the dating scene with greater ease.

First off, they might help you feel less crazy, because if you’ve been dating, surely you’ve noticed them!

You might be hesitant to jump back into the dating scene because you’ve heard stories from your girlfriends about some truly cringe-worthy moments. But here’s the good news: with a little preparation from your trusted dating coach, you can walk into any date feeling confident, ready to have fun, and equipped to handle whatever comes your way.

Once upon a time, I used to coach people in weekend workshops. About 15 people would sit in a circle in my living room and talk about their secrets and lies. The premise of the retreat was: “the truth will set you free.”

I did a whole TedX talk about it.

If you met online, your first date should not be a glass of wine at a noisy bar. It should be a video call. Full stop.

I know, I know. It’s not the fantasy. But we’re grown-ups now. With real-time energy levels, complicated schedules, and no time (or patience) for last-minute (or during-date) disappointments.

You finally open up the dating app, and there it is—the blank box next to "What makes you unique?" You freeze. Is this the best place to share your love of New York bagels? Is it too soon to mention your three divorces and obsession with Candy Crush?

Let’s brush our teeth before we kiss, he said on our first date, implying I had bad breath! 

I was mortified. But I brushed my teeth, and we had a great first kiss.

That was decades ago, and now we’ve been married 27 years. When asked how I knew he was the right person, I harken back to that bold, brave, risky thing he said to me.

According to Journal of Sex Research, 67% of heterosexual women admit to occasionally faking orgasms. And just remember, that’s the number that’s admitting it! Here’s another fun statistic. Only 20 percent of men think their partners might fake their orgasms…

When you first spot someone on a dating app and your interest is piqued, the next big step is kicking off some fun, flirty banter. Since they can’t read your body language, your online banter has to carry all the weight of making that initial spark happen.

Have you ever found yourself at the end of an exhausting fight shocked that, after investing in someone feeling loved, they felt, well, just the opposite?

If you’ve ever secretly Googled “Am I undateable?”—first of all, hi, welcome, you’re in good company. Second, the fact that you’re asking that question probably means you’re not. Truly. 

Single women who are reflective, curious, and willing to assess their love life honestly are usually very dateable.

But. (Yep, there’s a but.)

Are you tired of struggling to get your dates/your partner to open up and share their thoughts and feelings?

Does it sometimes feel like you're interrogating them instead of having a real conversation? Or do they accuse you of that? 😇

As a relationship expert, my mission is to help you stop wasting time on dead-end dates and find someone who’s a good match for you for long-term love. By "good match," I mean you are "in sync" on all 3H's: your head, your heart, and your hoo-ha.

When you think about dating, one of your major concerns might be about sex. 

In fact, sex is what differentiates a long-term love partner from just another friend. As a dating coach, I want to give you the best chance at healthy, lasting love, and that means giving you the lowdown on the most common sex issues older couples face.

Is Honesty the Best Policy in Dating?

Now that you are dating over 50, you can finally be honest!