Are You Undateable? 6 Things You May Not Realize

If you’ve ever secretly Googled “Am I undateable?”—first of all, hi, welcome, you’re in good company. Second, the fact that you’re asking that question probably means you’re not. Truly. 

Single women who are reflective, curious, and willing to assess their love life honestly are usually very dateable.

But. (Yep, there’s a but.)

There are things you might be doing—or believing—that are subtly undermining your dating game, and I am here to help you figure out what’s getting in your way. Finding a suitable companion, the last love of your life, is possible, even over 50. 

Here are 6 things that actually do make you undateable:

1. You’re Not Over Your Last Long-Term Partner

Here's a truth bomb: If you’re still mentally replaying your last relationship, stalking your ex’s new girlfriend, or secretly hoping he texts you at the exact time of the day you used to talk—you're not emotionally available. Even if you’ve rejoined the dating pool, you're not really in it.

And yes, even if you’ve had a few first dates or promising conversations, your energy is still tied to the past. That creates an invisible barrier between you and any new potential partner. It confuses good guys and keeps the door open for more of the same bad habits.

I often say to my clients that if the position is already filled, nice guys won't apply. Now you may reason, "But I am no longer with him." It doesn't matter, if energetically you're still preoccupied; other men can feel it.

You can’t open the door to a great long-term partner when heartbreak is still your prevalent feeling. Do your healing. Your future love life depends on it.

2. You’re Too Negative

I know online dating can feel like a dumpster fire. There are jerks, scammers, players, lots of fish pics, and a whole lot of “meh.” But if you’re coming to the apps or a first date with cynicism, sarcasm, or a list of how men have disappointed you, it might feel like a good therapy session, but it won't get you another date with a healthy man.

Good men—especially grown men who actually want commitment—want to feel like they might be the exception. If your attitude makes it clear they have no shot, they won’t bother.

Your energy matters. Optimism is hot. A single woman who genuinely believes she can find real love is wildly attractive to healthy men. If your dating life feels like it’s going nowhere, start with your mindset.

3. You’re “Too Independent”

I’m all for being a strong, successful woman. You’ve got or had a good job,  a wonderful family, and a beautiful life with a close friend group. But if you seem like your life is already full to the brim or your schedule is packed with no wiggle room, no one’s going to try to fit into it.

There’s a difference between having a full life and having a life with no room for new people. Men (especially older men) want to feel needed. Not in a needy way, but in a “there’s room for me in her life” way. Men want to enhance your life, and if they think they can't, they won't bother trying.

You don’t need to trade your self-sufficiency and independence for love, but you do need to make space for it. Otherwise, your independence becomes a shield that keeps intimacy out.

4. You Think You’re Too Old, Too Much, or Too Late

This one crushes me because it’s so common—and so wrong. Age doesn’t make you undateable. But believing it does? That will. Confidence is magnetic. Older women who own their experiences, quirks, and desires find love more easily.

You’re not behind. You’re not expired. You’re not less-than. You’re seasoned, self-aware, and ready to build something that actually fits. The dating world has room for you, just as you are. As long as you like you.

No one wants to date women who think they’ve expired. Flip the script. You’re not past your prime—you’re the best and wisest you've ever been.

5. You Think Your Past Mistakes Make You Unlovable

We’ve all got stuff. Divorce, ghosting someone, picking the wrong person, staying too long, leaving too soon—whatever your version is. But if you carry those regrets like proof that love is off the table for you, you’ll keep proving yourself right. Instead, I want you to hold them as important lessons in self-love. Now you know how those choices feel, so you don't need to make them again.

Every woman I’ve coached has had her heart broken or broken someone else’s. Mistakes don’t make you unlovable. Practice is actually what makes you wiser and better. What keeps you stuck is the shame spiral. That’s the real obstacle to finding the last love of your life.

Unresolved guilt or shame will sabotage every promising connection. The good news? You can rewire how your brain thinks about those mistakes. Starting now.

6. You Believe There’s Something About You That No One Could Love

Maybe it’s your body. Maybe it’s your bank account. Maybe you think you’re too emotional, too loud, too quiet, not sexy enough, or not good-looking enough. Even if you don't express these fears out loud, if you're thinking them, they broadcast energetically.

Let me say this as clearly as possible: attractive people are the ones who believe they are. Period. If you show up to a date like someone who knows she’s worth knowing, the right person for you will notice and like you. Real love doesn't result from two perfect people finding each other, but rather two utterly flawed people thinking they are better off together. Sorry to be so unromantic.

There are older single men out there right now looking for exactly what you are. But if you don’t believe you’re lovable, even if they find you, it won't stick. You are that powerful.

The Truth About Being Dateable

Being dateable has nothing to do with how pretty you are, how perfect your life is, or how successful you've been at dating in the past. Thank goodness!

Being dateable starts with liking yourself, knowing what you want, and being willing to be vulnerable. If those things aren't true right now, I can help!

So if you’re ready to stop dating the wrong people or sitting on the bench, I’ve got something for you.

Head to lauriegerber.com/webinar and watch my free training: “3 Secrets to Finding and Maintaining Healthy Love.”

It’s the mindset and strategy reboot your dating life deserves.

You’ve come a long way to get here. Let’s make the rest of the journey the best part yet.

FAQ: 

Do I need to do online dating to find someone?

Not necessarily. But if you do it the right way, it can work very well—especially when you stop wasting time on the wrong people.

Are there actually single men out there worth meeting?

Yes. There are literally millions of good men out there who want the same thing you do—a real, lasting connection.

What if I’ve been single for a long time?

Doesn’t matter. Love is not on a schedule. But your mindset? That needs to shift now.

How do I know if I’m emotionally available for a relationship?

If you're open to connection, willing to share your feelings, and not stuck in the past, you’re likely emotionally available.

What role does vulnerability play in being dateable?

It shows you’re real. Being open about your flaws and feelings invites real connection—and that’s what lasting love needs.

Love,