Love Currencies: Are You Compatible in Your Love Expression

Have you ever found yourself at the end of an exhausting fight shocked that, after investing in someone feeling loved, they felt, well, just the opposite?

The analogy I use with my clients is as if you went to pay for something and all you had was rupees, but the store you’re in only takes rubles. So close, and yet, so far!

Bad news, you can’t get what you want. Good news, both are money!

And in the case of you and the person you’re dating, you both want to show love, but you may be spending in the wrong currency or misunderstanding what’s being “spent” on you.

It took my husband and I many tries to work this one out. After attempting 7 gifts without my input and having to withstand my lack of appreciation, my husband came to understand it was NOT my preferred love language.

To really woo me he has to give me quality time and his full attention.

He feels incredibly loved when I do a chore for him-bring or make him food, clean up something that’s his to clean up or do an errand for him. It’s the last thing I would think to do, except that I know he loves it.

Meanwhile, he is always doing “acts of service” for me that go unnoticed. I wasn’t expecting those acts, I didn’t think I needed them, so even though they make my life better, I miss them as “acts of love.”

How disappointing for him.

I show my love very easily through quality time and listening, not always the things my husband is looking for in his busy, introverted life.

So how did we make it work when we are so seemingly incompatible?

1. We came to understand that different people give and receive love in different ways.

Some people love words of affirmation, some love acts of service, there’s quality time and physical touch too. Lastly, gift giving.

How you like to give and receive is usually the same but not always. I’ve rarely met a couple who lines up perfectly…wishing to give exactly in the way the partner wishes to receive. More often we have to “learn to speak each other’s languages.”

2. We learned how the other one expressed love.

I know my husband is showing me love when he does stuff for me and he knows I am showing it when I set aside time and listen.

3. We learned how to speak each other’s language.

Even though it doesn’t come naturally for me to do acts of service for my husband, I do them anyway. Same goes for him in giving me his full undivided attention (he’d way rather be moving, gettin shit done!)

4. We don’t judge the languages.

All languages work! Some won’t even be on your radar, however, and that’s fine.

Neither of us need a lot of physical touch. We both like a compliment and an “I love you” here and there but these are not our main avenues for expression.

Thank you Gary Chapman for coining the term and defining the most common 5. I only listed some love languages here, and more have been discovered. Never judge what yours are, or your partner’s are; just seek to understand them.

Communication and expressions of love are the cornerstones of healthy, lasting love relationships. Are you good in that department?

Love,