I Can’t Fix Your Dating Profile Without These 2 Things
I get this a lot as a dating coach: Women send me their online dating profile to analyze—as if I could tell them whether it’s “good” or “bad” without knowing them first.
That’s not how it works.
Your online profile is an ad. Yes, it needs to be good. But even the glossiest, most flattering profile picture and the most clever writing will fail if it’s false advertising. Because once the person meets you in real life, they’ll quickly see the mismatch.
Without knowing two things, it’s impossible to know whether your profile will attract the right person—or just waste your time.
The Two Things I Need to Know
Who (specifically) are you looking to attract?
Do you know how to describe your true self accurately?
With clarity on these two points, you can fix your dating profile, attract potential matches who are a good fit, and avoid men who don’t align with your values or vision.
To show you what I mean, here are some examples of women over 50 flubbing their profiles and the coaching I gave to improve them:
Example #1: Betsy
➡️ The Situation:
Betsy wants a long-term serious relationship with a dog-loving man. She's not a partier. But her profile pictures are all low-cut dresses, party scenes, and wine glasses—and no mention of her pets!
✅ The Coaching:
Sexy photos might get attention, but they won’t attract a man looking for a serious relationship. If you want the perfect match, highlight what you actually love. Add a flattering photo of you with your dog. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, your pictures must represent you as single (no other person in the pic, one with your dog is okay). No cleavage, no sexy outfits, no party scenes. You should be well-lit, and your facial expression (not your body language) should say "come hither." I know this is a subtle thing, but it's psychology.
Men are looking at and "reading" your pictures and your expressions to decide if they like you, what they think you want, and what they want from you. Please take this into consideration. You want to project "open, and interested," not "looking for a good time."
Example #2: Ellen
➡️ The Situation:
Ellen is brilliant and wants an intellectual equal. Her profile talks about museums, crossword puzzles, and historical tours. She’s not smiling in any photos.
✅ The Coaching:
Men love women who bring a positive attitude and energy. Challenge is fun, but being overly serious can feel intimidating. Be sure to have a candid shot of you laughing, and mention a good book or TED Talk you’ve enjoyed recently to hint at your intelligence and dog whistle intellectuals, but do not overdo it. Too much talk about "hard things" or activities that may not be widely appreciated could turn off a guy you'd otherwise really like.
Example #3: Susan
➡️ The Situation:
Susan is retired, family-focused, and loves cooking and her garden. But her profile uses only a professional headshot and talks mostly about her former career. She lists deal breakers (“don’t work too much”) instead of what she actually wants.
✅ The Coaching:
A great profile reflects your current life and does not focus on past experiences. Use recent photos that represent what you love—gardening, cooking, crafting. Make your profile copy specific so that the like-minded individual on the other end has something to ask you about. For example, "My 3 grandkids keep me pretty busy with things like skiing, baking, or just regular babysitting," or "Ask me what I do with my insanely robust zuccinni harvest every year?" A line that says: I am looking for someone who also loves weekends with family and getting their hands dirty in the soil.
Example #4: Joan
➡️ The Situation:
Joan has lived an adventurous life and is very independent. She’s not sure she wants to date at all, and her profile reflects it. Her photos are outdated and low-quality and her writing focuses on past baggage. Her doubts come through, as does her "lack of need for a man."
✅ The Coaching:
If you’re unsure, that’s okay—but your profile should signal it honestly. Outdated photos or too much about past relationships are unethical and a turn-off, respectively. You can actually say in a profile, "I'm not sure if I want long-term right now, but I do want to meet new people, have adventures, and possibly make a new friend. That dog whistles someone who is also NOT looking to settle down.
Your online dating profile should do two things:
Attract the kind of person you want to attract.
Describe your true self accurately.
The best dating sites and apps will get you visibility, but your profile has to spark curiosity and invite good conversations with the right person.
Want More Help?
Are you over 50 and ready to find a suitable companion without all the fatigue and disappointment?
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FAQs
1. What’s the first thing I should fix in my online dating profile?
Start with your profile picture. A flattering photo that’s recent, well-lit, and natural is the best way to make a strong first impression. Avoid group shots or outdated photos.
2. How much personal information should I share?
Stick to the highlights of your everyday life and character traits that make you a good match. Save your phone number, address, or past relationship details for later in the dating process—sharing too much too soon can enable romance scams.
3. Should I list what I don’t want in a partner?
It’s a bad idea to write about deal breakers (though you can hint at what you want in a positive way.) Say what you do want: "I am looking for someone who likes my positive outlook." "I will enjoy partnering with someone to stay healthy and fit." "If you like concerts in the park, the beach, and word games, we'll find lots to do together."
4. How do I avoid fake profiles or con artists on dating platforms?
Meet potential partners in public places for the first time, keep communication within the app at first, and never send money. If someone avoids video calls or gives excuses, it’s a red flag.
5. What’s the best approach for women over 50 trying online dating apps for the first time?
Keep an open mind. Remember: the dating pool may feel overwhelming, but a fantastic way to stand out is by showing your best self—in your pictures, well-thought-out and honest copy, and with a dash of humor.