Get Better at Dating With "Main Character" Energy
If you’re a woman over 50 and haven’t done at least 7 of the 10 things I’ve listed below, you may be missing out on your “Main Character Era.”
Your "main character era" refers to a time in your life where you adopt a protagonist in your life. You get to know yourself (character study?), trust your own voice, and exercise that voice (scene practice). With confidence and purpose, you are the star of your own show, and you are not afraid to have an audience!
As a dating coach for women over 50, I help women initiate their main character era. They have to break out of old patterns, like hiding their needs, subjugating their desires, and "over-giving" to everyone else.
Dating at this age is the perfect wake-up call to step into your main character energy.
You are the heroine of your own story, and this is your moment to get crystal clear on what you want, set your boundaries, and go for it.
Start by picking one of my ideas below and aim to get at least 7 ticked off in the space of the next year —and watch your love life shift into main character era magic.
1. Look at yourself in the mirror and say (only kind) words
You cannot be the star of your own story if your self-talk is sad or mean. The first step toward main character dating is aiming kindness toward yourself, every single day.
Next time you are in front of the mirror, pause and listen. What do you say? Are you looking for new wrinkles, judging the color or texture under your eyes, lamenting your hair (or is that just me?) What if instead you praised how beautiful you are, inside and out?
When you’re washing yourself in your shower, do you touch each part of your body lovingly, thanking it for how it serves you and enables all the great things in your life (your arms to hug your grandkids, your feet to walk you to concerts and the gym, your neck to look around and find the sunset)?
Your relationship with yourself is the most important one. What if every time you looked in the mirror or washed your own body, you thought and said to yourself things like “Hey, pretty girl,” “Looking good.” “Thank you!” I dare you to start today.
2. Achieve a level of physical strength and flexibility you feel proud of
Your body is not a side character. Part of the road to self-love and enjoying looking at and feeling your body involves sculpting your body to be how you want it.
Whether it’s yoga, lifting, dancing, or walking the dog, physical strength makes you feel alive, strong, energized, and ready for new experiences. That kind of energy radiates confidence into your dating life.
The link between feeling strong and flexible in your body and your happiness is undeniable and uncanny. It’s striking to me how much simply adding 2 or 3 strength-building sessions into your week can catapult a woman’s confidence as a dater (while improving her health and longevity too!) Lifting heavy things is key. The other stuff is great, but this is a must.
3. Become the master of your bad habits
We all have them. Whether it’s alcohol, food choices, spending, or internet use, sometimes our bad habits become the main character in our lives, instead of us!
By mastering bad habits, you start running your own life instead of letting your habits run you. This shift causes you to attract a higher caliber of person and easily detect someone who is not right for you.
Mastering bad habits is great advice any day, but specifically in regards to dating, the trust you build with yourself unavoidably sets you up for better trust in your next relationship.
If food is your bad habit, do a cleanse:
Here is what I love/do to lose 3-7 pounds in 11 days and feel fantastic:
4. Learn how to tell someone what your "bad” qualities are with zero shame
This is real-world confidence. If you follow my 3-date strategy, you’re going to be revealing the truth about yourself pretty early in dating. So you'd best know how to talk about even the harder things!
When you own your quirks with humor, it shows you’ve done the prep work for a real, authentic relationship. Remember, the right match for you will love the whole of you, not just the most polished parts.
5. Take yourself out on an awesome date
In order to be a confident dater, you have to know what you like and be happy in your own company. Start to make it a habit to take yourself out.
Dinner, a concert, or a first-time visit to a new gallery—whatever makes you feel like a special person. Treat yourself as the main character. This sets the standard for how others should treat you, too.
Oh, and now that you are out on the town, put your phone down, look up, and smile. There are single men all around you, waiting to see you're bright face. You can invite a “chance” meeting in the wild.
6. Learn what you like in bed and how to talk about it
How are you going to teach someone else what you like, if you don’t even know? Of course, a healthy sex life with another person means “sharing the spotlight,” but before you do “scene study” with a partner, you have to do your own homework!
A healthy relationship also depends on open dialogue about sex and intimacy. When you can talk clearly about what you like, you find out who is up for listening and learning and whether or not you’re compatible in terms of what you like–frequency, style, kinks, duration, etc.
7. Forgive yourself for past mistakes because you know you learned
Getting ready to date entails a lot of preparation, but there is a finish line. Don't skip healing your past.
The pain of past relationships needs to be alchemized into timeless lessons. You will need to fully clarify what went wrong and grant yourself forgiveness to heal and move on. In some cases, you will need to talk to the people whom you hurt or who hurt you. In all cases, you will want to tell your loved ones what you learned so they can help you remember not to make the same mistakes again. Accountability and teamwork are essential to happy dating.
8. Create a playlist of songs that forces you to smile, sing, and dance
Every day living needs joy woven into its fabric. Your playlist is more than uplifting—it’s a reminder that you control your mood, always. Great tunes keep your spirit light, which is irresistible in the dating scene. Happiness is very attractive. It's okay to be sad too, but isn't it nice to have the tool of music at your fingertips to help you feel however you want to feel and pick you up when you need it? Use it!
And once you develop your practice of getting on the dating sites or getting ready for a video chat or a date, your playlist will be a very important part of your getting psyched up ritual.
9. Write out what you desire for your love life—head, heart, and hoo-ha!
Clarity attracts. Script out what you want. The person you are looking for needs to make sense for your:
➡️Head: The person's life and your life need to be able to intertwine easily: do you want the same things when it comes to geographical location, time spent, monogamy, family, fun, intimacy?
➡️Heart: You have to feel good with the person. How does someone earn your trust and make you feel comfortable and safe?
and
➡️Hoo-ha: There needs to be chemistry. What causes that for you? Is it a look, a smell, swagger, the kind of kissing, eye contact, or confidence?
You'd be amazed at how important it is to write this out, and how quickly it will then start to show up in your world. You can pick a few things in each of the "H" categories and start cultivating the belief that you will find the person who meets your needs in all 3.
Want to walk through creating YOUR personal 3H list with me? Watch here for free:
Here's what I'll be covering at the free webinar:
The biggest mistake women make that prevents them from finding their happily ever after
The 3 Essential Ingredients to finding a suitable companion for long-term commitment
The 3-date strategy to find your soulmate in WAY less dates.
10. Surrounded yourself with other women who listen, cheer loudly, and know your dreams
No one thrives in isolation. This is why you are here reading this blog, right? You are not alone! And you'll do way better at remaining in main character mode in dating if you are surrounded by like-minded women!
This is why there is a group discussion forum and group coaching as part of my digital program, Master the Art of Love.
Your like-minded friends and allies keep you grounded and remind you of the most important things: staying true to what you desire, saying no quickly when it's not a match, and having fun in the whole process.
Time to take center stage in your dating life. You’re not here to play background to anyone else’s story. What does it mean to enter the main character era in a nutshell?
You’re here to shine, to attract the right partner, and to step fully into being YOU.
I'd love to help!
Frequently Asked Questions about Dating in Your Main Character Era
How do I know if I’m really in my “main character era”?
You’ll feel it when you stop people-pleasing, start honoring your own needs, and walk into dating with confidence and clarity. If you’re making choices that feel aligned with who you are, you’re there.
What if I’ve only done one or two of the steps so far?
That’s plenty to start. Pick one more step that excites you and go from there. Progress builds confidence, and you don’t need perfection to shift into main character energy.
How does this approach actually help me find love?
When you treat yourself like the main character, you radiate confidence and self-respect. That energy is magnetic—it helps you attract men who value you and weed out the ones who don’t
What if I struggle with forgiving myself for past mistakes?
It’s normal. Start small by reframing mistakes as lessons. Journaling, therapy, or coaching can help you see your growth and release shame. Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event.
Do I need to join a group or program to succeed at this?
You don’t have to—but surrounding yourself with supportive women makes it much easier. Accountability, encouragement, and shared wisdom speed up your journey and keep you grounded in your main character energy.
Love,
