4 Bad Reasons 50+ Women Quit Dating (and 1 Good One)

(A version of this blog was previously published on the website Sixty & Me)

For every woman in the 50+ age group who responds to one of my articles, hopeful about dating again, an equal number write back with a heavy sigh: “Never again. I’m done.”

I understand. Dating in this stage of life can feel like a big set-up for disappointment, and sometimes like too much work. But before you walk away from the dating scene completely, I want to point out four of the wrong reasons women give up—reasons I hear every day as a coach. 

At the end, I’ll also give one very good reason for older women to actually be done with dating.

Reason #1: Your Past Mistakes

Maybe you chose the wrong relationship, ignored red flags, or stayed too long in a marriage that no longer served you. I hear this from women who feel burned and afraid of repeating history.

Every one of us carries what I call "hauntings," life's wrong turns and painful incidents. It's how we hold those experiences that determines whether or not we have hope or only negative expectations. Especially if your last relationship or breakup was messy, you need to detox.

The hard times have to be turned into "the right lessons" in your own mind. Mistakes aren’t proof that you can’t find the right person. They’re teachers. They show us what we need to be accountable for with our own "bad pickers," where we go silent, and help us understand the qualities we need in our partner, next time.

Coaching: I map out the healing work from your past here. I wish it were simpler, and I am sorry that it is not. You will need to write up the lessons learned from past heartbreaks and create a clear list of deal breakers for the future. Keep it short, because overloaded “deal breaker lists” can push good potential partners away. Good news, most people only have 1 or 2 bad "picking" habits that need to be kept on a leash, not dozens!

Reason #2: The Belief That No Good Ones Exist

I often hear, “All the great guys are taken.” Or, “Online dating apps are full of con artists.” I can validate that the dating market has its challenges, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t quality single men looking for you. Of course they are. Many men over 50 are divorced, single, or widowed, and they are lonely too. Most single people WANT to find their soulmate, and there are almost an equal number of men and women!

The belief that nobody good exists is just your fear talking. You certainly haven't met everyone (not even close ;) and you have millions of singles on dating platforms and dating websites in addition to infinite chances to meet new people in real life.

Finding a potential partner has to start with believing they exist. And good news, the fact that people find new love every day, proves to me it's possible. 

Coaching: Examine your belief that there are no good ones. You are a good one, and you exist; doesn't it make sense that your counterpart exists, too? Just as you may be stuck in a negative mindset or too scared to try again, he might have his own stuff going on. Every day, people "get over themselves" and get back out there to try again. Please do not convince yourself you've met everyone in your neighborhood and seen everyone on the dating sites. You haven't.

And remember, you only need one great guy, not a dozen.

Reason #3: Your Age

 In the dating scene. But here’s what relationship experts and even the occasional clinical psychologist will say: age also brings wisdom, clarity, and emotional depth.

The dating process in your later years can feel different—both slower/harder and more urgent. You may feel out of touch with how to manage the technology of it all. I am personally still getting used to texting. What happened to good old-fashioned phone calls?

But here is one thing I know. For every man who is looking for a younger woman, there are two who are absolutely not looking for that! Those single men know that your life experience, self-knowledge, candor, and compatibility around similar interests are more important than the year on your driver's license.

Coaching: Reframe age as an asset. You already know what’s actually important in a new partner, and you’re more likely to build a long-term relationship based on whether or not you are a good match head, heart, and hoo-ha vs. just superficial things.

Reason #4: Your Location

"You don't understand, Laurie, there are no good choices in my town." I hear this all the time from men and women all over the world, from remote islands to bustling cities. It's a fascinating phenomenon: no matter where people are, they are discouraged by their location when it comes to dating.

While the dating pool is in fact smaller in certain places, it's NEVER going to be the reason you can't find a new relationship. New people are becoming single in your general vicinity each and every day!

And dating platforms and social media expand your reach far beyond your zip code. People really do travel, and even move, for the right relationship. Even in a smaller local area, new people arrive all the time—because of work and family changes. through work, family members, or community events. 

Coaching: Be skeptical about your theory that you live where you live, but a perfect match for you couldn't possibly exist. That doesn't make sense, does it? Look for examples around you of people finding love and use them to encourage yourself not to give up.

The One Good Reason to Quit Dating

As promised, here is your 1 good reason to quit dating: if you genuinely prefer your own company, if the single life brings you joy and peace, then by all means—quit the dating scene. 

That’s not giving up; that’s choosing what’s right for you, right now. Falling in love with yourself is a worthy cause!

But if what’s holding you back is bad theories about your worthiness, ability, or the dating pool, please don't let those stop you. There is plenty of opportunity (and time) all around you to find the right person for you--someone who wants you for who you are and the quirky package you have to offer.

You are not too much or too little to attract a great mate; you're perfect for your perfect match. You don't need to be everyone's cup of tea; you just need to learn to date in a way that helps you find the right person for you.

Your next step: If you want to learn that way of dating, watch my free webinar where I’ll guide you through the best way to start dating again, with hope.

FAQs

1. Are dating websites safe for older adults?

Yes—when used wisely. Stick to well-known dating platforms, meet in public places for the first time, and never share personal information too quickly. Watch for red flags like requests for money or vague answers about their life story.

2. How do I know if I’m ready for a new relationship? 

That's a very complicated question based on approximately 26 factors. Take my 5-minute quiz "Are You Ready to Date Like You Mean It?" and find out.

3. What if I live in a small town with very few single men?

This is where online dating apps and dating websites can be a great way to expand your reach. You might also meet new friends or potential matches through single friends, family members, or local community events.

4. Should I compare myself to younger women?

No. Mature daters have strengths that younger women don’t—life experience, emotional depth, and clearer boundaries. A great guy looking for a permanent relationship often prefers someone who knows who she is.

5. What if I truly enjoy my own company and single life?

Then that’s wonderful! If your own company brings you joy, that’s a good reason to step away from the dating market. But if you still want deeper connections, it’s never too late to try again with a new partner.

Love,