5 Ways To Get Silent Men Talking That Don't Feel Like An Interrogation

Are you tired of struggling to get your dates/your partner to open up and share their thoughts and feelings? 

Does it sometimes feel like you're interrogating them instead of having a real conversation? Or do they accuse you of that? 😇

Here are some simple yet effective strategies for getting a clammed up man to talk…

1. Create a comfortable space: 

People don’t talk because they are afraid: they’ll be judged, disregarded or even ridiculed. It IS safer NOT to talk.

So how do you make someone feel safe? 

First, make sure the environment is conducive to talking. Avoid loud or distracting settings and choose locations where the person will be at ease. Sometimes this could be a car or on a walk, not face to face. Looking straight ahead together rather than directly at each other can sometimes be the key to subduing fear.

2. Show genuine interest: 

You need to convince the person you really want to hear what they have to say, rather than just give them a turn so you can get a turn!

That means don’t interrupt and don’t think about your own response. Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues. Stay quiet and follow along, don't even say 'um hmm' to them, and when they pause, don't fill in, just keep waiting.

Once the person is done you could say back what you heard to further demonstrate interest and then maybe as a question. If you aren’t sure what kind of response they want, you can ask. For example: “thanks for sharing that, did you just want me to listen or do you want feedback?” Or, "it was great to hear all that, I have a few thoughts about it, do you want to hear them?”

3. Ask open-ended questions: 

When you do ask questions, make sure they are genuine and open-ended. A yes or no question is really like leading the witness. If you want to get someone talking more, ask good questions that invite “essay” answers vs. short-answers. For example “why did that stand out for you?” or “what did you take away from that experience?”

If someone is really struggling to articulate how they feel, you could give them a multiple choice option: “Was that upsetting, relieving or something else?

4. Don’t criticize their answers:

Seems obvious, but you’d be amazed at how much this happens! If you ask for an answer or someone’s perspective, don’t then criticize it. Say back what you heard and ask more questions. If you disagree or see it differently, that’s fine, you can express your opinion too, without criticizing theirs!

Usually people in a healthy conversation find common ground, but if not, agreeing to disagree can also count as progress!

5. Share your own experiences:

In most cases, if you share freely and open-heartedly about vulnerable things, people around you will feel safer to do the same. Ask yourself: Are you being as honest and open as you wish they were?

True listening is perhaps the greatest gift you can give someone, and most men aren’t actually used to receiving it. If you can learn how to offer it you will be setting yourself apart from the crowd! I promise this makes dating, and love, way more fun!

If you need more how to instructions on how to date successfully, check out my course!

Love,