Love at First Site: How to Choose the Best Dating Site Without Losing Your Mind
As a dating coach, one of the most common questions I get from women—especially older women looking for a fresh start—is:
How do I choose the right dating site or app?
You finally build up the courage (and carve out the free time) to work on finding love again—only to discover the chaos of the online dating world. Too many choices!
There are dating services offering "meaningful connections," platforms for casual relationships, and apps boasting compatibility scores and in-depth personality tests. Some are free, others want your credit card before you even send a first message.
And more new options for HOW to find potential partners are coming on the market every day.
To boot, dating is a business, so new ways of trying to get YOU to buy keep popping up, too. How do you know if the app or site is really right for you, or just trying to make sure you THINK SO?
Dating the dating sites is a lot like dating potential love mates:
1) You have to have a good idea of what you want
2) You have to try things out in order to learn
3) You need to practice to get good at it
4) Everyone really has different tastes and needs
5) You have to be able to cut bait quickly if it's not working out
Choosing the best dating app or site isn’t the most important element to finding compatible matches (mindset is), but it can make a significant impact on how fun and easy dating feels to you.
The right platform can help you attract better matches, avoid fake profiles, and actually enjoy the experience.
Below, I am going to give my step-by-step on how to make the best choice for your relationship goals and your age group.
In a later blog, I'll talk a lot more about what I consider to be the best dating sites and why.
Step 1: Clarify Your Relationship Goals Before Choosing an Online Dating Platform
Yes, the dream is to find the love of your life. But when selecting between the most popular dating sites, your real goal is to stay engaged without burning out. That means finding an online dating platform that offers:
✅Enough like-minded singles to keep you motivated
✅Not so many messages that you feel buried
✅A clear focus on your relationship goals—whether that’s a serious relationship or a casual connection
By now, you probably know that a site like Match or eHarmony focuses more on serious daters, whereas Tinder is the place for casual hook-ups. Google and ChatGPT are friends here. Ask how many members are in your geographical location. Ask what the site is known for. Read the homepage of the website to get a feel for your compatibility.
Dating fatigue can happen even before your first date. You avoid that by picking the best sites for you and making it very clear what you're looking for.
Step 2: Match Your "Online Shopping Preferences" to the Right Dating Services
Different dating sites have different features. Here are the major decisions about core features you'll need to make right off the bat:
1) What kind of interface feels good? Are you willing to do it all on your phone, or do you need to be able to work from a desktop?
2) Do you want a long-term relationship or a casual fling right now?
3) Are you interested in a particular niche or committed to only dating certain kinds of people? Or age group?
4) Are you attracted to sites that consider personality traits and "compatibility scores?"
5) Are you willing to go through an in-depth personality test to have the site help you make matches?
6) Are there features that feel especially helpful, like limited matches per day, or the woman makes the first move?
Some apps are only available on your phone. Some sites allow only a little bit of copy, and some let you write tomes.
Some dating services are built for younger generations, while others—like Silver Singles—are made for senior singles and older adults. Some dating sites cater to single parents, widowed people, people of your religion, or with particular health conditions or kinks.
Some sites offer an in-depth analysis of all their users with the notion that they can do the matchmaking for you. Taking the surveys and doing the personality tests may not yield better matches, but it just may help you clarify your desires in a way that's helpful overall. Maybe you only want to look for someone who is similarly introspective.
The “best dating sites” are the ones that reflect your values and will be easy for you to use!
Step 3: Start Slow on the Best Dating Apps for You
You do not need to sign up for every dating app on the planet. In fact, I suggest only starting with two sites, at most!
Here’s what I recommend:
➡️ Never more than 2 online dating apps at a time
➡️ Use the free trial or free membership first to see how you like the interface and customer service
➡️ Don’t jump into a six-month subscription or even a three-month plan right away, even though it's cheaper. You'll feel committed to staying. It's worth it to pay more to try for just 1 month and then get out fast if it's not a match
➡️ Make sure you sign up and pay only when you are ready to really put in the time each day. (at least 30 minutes a day for that first month)
➡️ Beware, when you first start (if you made a good profile) will be the busiest time. Be prepared.
➡️ Before logging in, do a little ritual—light a candle, review your dating vision, or revisit your “3H chart” (head, heart, and hoo-ha)—whatever gets you into a fun, empowered mindset
Online dating is an honest job, but it should honestly be fun too! You need a good strategy.
Step 4: Assess: Will the Core Features Go the Distance?
When comparing online dating sites, the bells and whistles matter—but some matter more than others. Look for these core features:
User-friendly interfaces: It has to be easy and fun to use.
Privacy controls: Can you hide your personal information, block fake profiles, and protect your phone number?
Cost and value: Is the free version good enough? Or are the premium features worth the financial investment?
Customer support: Is there help if something goes wrong? Do you find the customer support excellent?
Don’t get dazzled by additional features you’ll never use. Focus on what helps you meet compatible partners with similar interests.
Step 5: Use A Paid Subscription Wisely
The job of an online dating platform is to sell you a paid subscription or upsell you with premium membership perks like unlimited likes, enhanced search results, or higher visibility.
Try not to be offended by the business model. You are getting a service for what you are paying, and it costs money to keep all the tech going and pay for marketing. Don't hold it against the company that it's trying to make money OR if crappy people join or keep profiles up even when not in active use, cluttering up your space. These companies are doing the best they can, like any other company. You getting pissy about dating sites only makes your job harder.
Keep a good attitude about spending the money. It's an investment in something really important, so you need the right mindset--you don't want to overspend foolishly, but you also don't want to be penny wise pound pound-foolish. This is not the place to "get a deal" or wait for the sale if you're in the mood now!
Before you pay for the subscription or upgrade, ask yourself:
Am I getting real value from this upgrade? Am I going to use it fully right now?
Does this extra feature help me find more potential matches, or just distract me?
Do I feel respected and supported as a user?
If the answer’s no to any of these—move on. A free basic membership on a different platform might be a better option. In most cases, you will eventually want to start paying to get the most out of a site, but just make sure you really love the site first.
Step 6: Mix and Match Online Dating Platforms and Real-Life Connections
Yes, online dating is a powerful tool to meet like-minded people. But most people get dating fatigue if they are only using online tools. You've got to mix in IRL opportunities to meet people, too. Some of the best romantic partners come from unexpected places—like Meetup groups, community events, religious gatherings, or the gym.
More on how to meet people in real life here:
A lot of people diversify their dating game by literally going back and forth between online and "real life" shopping. The bigger the dating pool, the more likely it is to find your "perfect match."
And don't forget the option of a matchmaker if you have the budget for it!
Finding Love
As I said at the top, picking the right dating sites is only a small part of the battle. The bigger issue is keeping your mind right. You must surround yourself with the right, positive influences! I want to be one of them!
Finding love is one of the most important things you will ever do. Please don't EVER give up!
If I can help make it just a little easier and more streamlined, I am living my mission. Thank you for reading!
Need more encouragement to get back in the game? Watch my free webinar:
Frequently Asked Questions About Choosing the Best Dating Site
1. What’s the best dating site for older women looking for a serious relationship?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer—but sites like Silver Singles, Match, and OurTime are designed specifically for mature daters seeking meaningful connections. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, choose platforms that emphasize compatibility, relationship goals, and offer filters that help you avoid mismatches right from the start. My next article goes into specific site recommendations.
2. Should I use a free dating site or invest in a paid subscription?
Start with the free version to test the waters and get a feel for the platform’s features and culture. If it feels like a good fit and you’re connecting with real people, then consider upgrading. Don’t lock yourself into a long subscription until you know the premium features are worth the investment.
3. How can I avoid getting overwhelmed with online dating?
Great question—and an important one. To avoid dating fatigue, start with just one or two apps, and be ready to set aside time when you "go live." Use the platform for 30 minutes a day minimum, and set a clear intention for your dating time. If you get overwhelmed, take a break or even switch to pursuing real-life connections only for a month or two. You can always dive back in after a break with refreshed energy.
4. What if I’m not tech-savvy or don’t like texting with strangers?
Choose user-friendly platforms that offer guided communication tools, compatibility quizzes, and video chats to help break the ice. You can also practice some open-ended conversation starters ahead of time so you feel more confident when messaging.
5. Is it okay to take a break from online dating if I’m feeling discouraged?
Yes! Taking a pause is actually a smart strategy when you’re feeling burnt out or disheartened. Revisit your dating vision, reset your mindset, and return when you’re feeling recharged. Finding love is a journey, and your energy matters.