Worst Date Ideas

Bad dates are the worst. We've all been on crappy dates and been wondering the whole time, when will this be over? I want to save you from ever going on a bad date again with some top tips for the first three, which are the most important!

As a dating coach, I have 20 years of experience coaching daters on how to have fun and make the most of those first crucial dates where the sole purpose is to get to know each other better and determine if you are a good match for one another. Here is what you need to know.

Great First Date Ideas

The only thing that is a "must" for an ideal first date is that you have the space and time to speak. A great way to ensure this is to pick a quiet location. When picking your first date location, you want it to be in public, for safety reasons, but you also want it to be private enough that you feel like you are alone with the person--think cozy nook of a cafe.

You don't need to spend the entire time having meaningful conversations--but it's a good idea to make that the bulk of the intention for your first date.

It's best if it's not your first time in the place, because that way you'll know your way around and feel more confident. On the other hand, don't go somewhere "where everyone knows your name," as you're not going to want interruptions.

Local coffee shops, smoothie places, tea houses are perfect. And if you are especially nervous or outdoorsy, or both, you might suggest a walk in a cool neighborhood, park or at a beach. If you go to a movie theater (a popular cliche for a date) you will only have time for small talk, and that's not what we want.

Great Second Date Ideas

If you are on a second date then we know things are going well. Hopefully, you know enough to think the person is a good prospect--meaning your lives could intertwine easily, you feel good when you are around him, and you could imagine kissing. Great, now it's time for a longer time commitment--the dinner date. The beauty of a dinner date is it can last for hours, and if it's going well, follow it up with a walk afterwards (that has health benefits too.)

What not to do on a second date, even if you are attracted, is go home with the person. You just don't know each other well enough yet to trust each other. You also need to develop a lot more connection before you can be sure that sex is a good idea and that it will actually be good. The cliche that women get overly attached, even to inappropriate matches, once they have sex is very true in reality. Please avoid this mistake at all costs. Wait to have sex until at least 3 dates have been great and you've agreed to be monogamous.

Great Third date Ideas

Let's assume you've really focused on talking and getting to know each other. Now it's time to see each other in new situations, actually doing something. A fun night at an art gallery would be great if you both like that type of thing. Going to a cafe where board games are available, so you can see competitive your date is. You might be tempted at this point to do something passive like a movie or concert, keep resisting. Instead, find activities that bring out new sides of your personality while still giving you plenty of time to ask and answer important questions.

Recreational activities like hiking, pool, bowling, darts, golf, surfing, and even horseback riding can be very romantic and valuable choices in terms of getting to know new sides of a person! Horseback riding isn't just for romantic comedies and Valentine's Day, you can do it anytime.

A list of the worst first date ideas

As promised, here is a list of worst first date ideas.

1) Fast food place- This choice is just too flimsy and cheap. It sends the message you don't really care because there is absolutely zero ambience. If you are trying to save money do a coffee shop or a walk.

2) Family function- This choice makes me laugh. Introducing someone to your family is something you really have to work up to. In the early stages the focus has to be on just the two of you. Even if you are really friendly with and proud of your family, save those intros for a few months in.

3) Double Date- This choice is just too distracting. No friends on the date unless you want to run the risk your date will like your friends better or you'll be too unfocused to give a good date. If you're too nervous to be alone, try my video chat strategy before meeting in real life.

4) Open Mic night- Fun but way too vulnerable on the first date. This is a better ideas for Date 4 or beyond when you feel really comfortable with the person, you’ve chosen to pursue each other and now it's time to just go have fun.

5) Ice Skating- Don't choose this sport, even for a third date even, if you are a good skater. I know it's in a lot of rom coms, but first dates should never include a sport that is difficult to master for one or both of you. Again, the focus needs to be on each other. 

6) Escape rooms- This choice is great for 4th dates of beyond but too nerve-wracking and all-consuming for a first date.

7) Movies or concerts- If you're spending all day together on a first date for some reason, this could be okay but if you're just meeting for the first time never commit to more than 1 hour.

8) Any place that's loud- By now, I think you know why :)

A List of Bad First Date Behaviors

Location is only one of the frequent mistakes people make on first dates. The other frequent mistake is bad behavior. The list is just too long but I'll share a few of the most popular:

1) Getting too high or drunk to make good decisions. The true you is who you want to present on a first date, not an altered you. Also drinking too much makes you forget your questions and their answers, and can often cause over-sharing inappropriately. It also often leads to premature sexual contact that is regretted later. There, I said it.

2) Being tone deaf. Listening is so important on the first date. Listen to what your date is telling you and listen to body language as well. Avoid offensive remarks or criticizing anyone in general. You don't know the opinions of your date, so stay courteous and appropriate. Speaking of criticism…

3) Don't badmouth your ex. Even if they totally deserve it, the new person you're out with doesn't! Negativity just isn't attractive. On date 2 or 3 you can tell them what you learned from your past relationships in a way that makes them feel closer to you rather than pushing them away.

4) Don't show off or boast. Most people really don't appreciate that even if it feels like you are just putting your best foot forward. Practice sharing accomplishments in a humble way.

5) Talking too much or too little. The goal should always be about 50/50 airtime for each of you on a first date. If you find you can't get a word in (link to why men talk too much blog) you are allowed to interrupt and say "ask me about X." If you notice you are doing too much of the talking, take a deep breath and ask a question. If you're struggling to get the other person talking more read my blog about that topic.

Dating is complicated, especially if you haven't been out there for awhile. Nobody should do it alone, without a cheering section and the right strategies and tools. That's why I offer my particular type of coaching. If you want to know more about the secrets to finding and maintaining healthy love, watch my free webinar here.

I am always rooting for your fun and fruitful dating experience!

Love,