Why Do Men Talk So Much On First Dates?
Some men are narcissists. Some men are full of themselves. But most men are neither.
As a relationship expert, I've learned that most men are just regular people who have developed personality traits and coping mechanisms to handle stress and anxiety, just like YOU.
Dating can feel nerve-wracking. It’s an experience full of excitement, anticipation, and the potential for a great date. But it’s also a situation where a lot of people feel pressure, especially when meeting someone for the first time.
Dating is just as stressful for men as it is for women. Many men feel they are being judged in real life, often based on very superficial things—because, let’s be honest, they sometimes are.
They fear they will be rejected before they even get the chance to prove they are a good guy. They become nervous and insecure, and sometimes, because of it, they talk too much.
Why Men Don't Give "Equal Opportunity" on First Dates?
Men may talk a lot and don't give you "equal opportunity" to speak on first dates for a variety of reasons:
They might be shy or awkward and use excessive talking as a defense mechanism.
They could be afraid you’ll find something wrong with them, to try and head that off at the pass.
They might think that the best way to make a good impression is to showcase their most interesting stories or accomplishments.
They may want to appear confident, even when they are not feeling that way inside.
This behavior is often subconscious, but it can turn into a bigger issue if you don't say something. Saying nothing implies you like it! You are training someone how to treat you with every interaction.
How To Respond to A Man Who Talks Too Much
Rather than feeling frustrated, consider: What if you could help guide the conversation in a nice way, rather than silently resenting how much time he spends talking about himself?
The good news is that you have the power to turn this date around. But you'll have to be willing to take charge.
Here are some of the best ways to handle a chatty date while staying positive.
1. Actively Participate in the Conversation
Men often don’t realize they’re dominating the discussion. If you feel like you’re not getting enough airtime, try:
Mirroring their behavior by jumping into the conversation naturally.
Answering the same questions they ask you.
Sharing something personal before they have a chance to take over again.
2. Engage with Open-Ended Questions
Instead of asking yes/no questions, prompt him with open-ended questions that tend towards a natural back-and-forth exchange.
For example:
Instead of "Do you like traveling?" ask "What’s been your favorite trip so far and why?"
Instead of "Do you like your job?" ask "What’s the most interesting thing about what you do?"
He may have a long response, but it would be extra weird if he didn't throw the ball back to you for your story.
3. Redirect the Conversation
If the talking is becoming one-sided, don’t be afraid to redirect it by sharing your own thoughts.
"That’s interesting, but let me tell you about a similar experience I had!"
"I love that story! It reminds me of something that happened to me…"
This method shifts the conversation without being critical or insulting.
4. Gently Interrupt When Necessary
If he’s completely unaware that he’s monopolizing the conversation, a light-hearted interruption can help.
"Hey, I want to make sure I get to tell you about XYZ before the end of our date!"
"I feel like I know a lot about you. I am sure you have a lot of questions for me, too."
Most men appreciate a direct yet kind approach.
5. Add Reassurance Through Body Language
Men can feel silence as rejection--whether it's verbal or body language. A well-placed smile, a touch on the hand, or simply leaning in can reassure them they’re doing okay.
If he’s talking because of nerves, this might settle him down and create a more comfortable flow.
6. Bring Up Mutual Interests
If you discover a common interest, dive into it!
"You love hiking? Me too! What’s your favorite trail?"
"You’re into music? I just saw an amazing concert last week—what’s your favorite thing about live shows?"
Sometimes, the shared interest is a great way to calm everything down and get into a good back-and-forth.
7. Ask Important Questions Early
Getting harder or more interesting conversations out of the way early can help you avoid questions that focus on status or boasting. Showing off and long, detailed stories with no point are to be avoided. Plus, if you ask important questions early on and it goes well, it paves the way for you both to relax.
Try these:
"What’s one thing you’re really passionate about?"
"If you could redo one part of your life, what would it be?"
While some men might initially hesitate, there is a good chance that a thoughtful man will appreciate deep questions and ask them right back.
What If He Doesn’t Stop Talking?
If you’ve tried all of the above and he’s still not letting you get a word in, consider:
Asking directly: "Do you think you’re nervous? I’d love to hear more about you, but I also want to share about myself."
Checking if he’s your kind of person. If he isn’t open to hearing about you, that’s a red flag.
Deciding whether you’d give him a second chance. Sometimes, men are just overly eager on a first date and balance out later.
If you find that communication is one-way and you’re not enjoying yourself, it’s okay to decide it isn't a good match and move on.
Creating a Successful First Date
A successful first date isn’t just about whether or not you are attracted—it’s about how you both feel during and after the date. A lot of that has to do with preparation. If you want to learn more about being ready to date, watch my free webinar "3 Secrets to Finding and Maintaining Healthy Love."
First date tips like these can go a long way in ensuring that both people walk away feeling heard and valued.
At the end of the date, ask yourself:
Did I feel heard?
Did I enjoy our conversation?
Do I want a second try?
If the answers are mostly positive, it might be worth going on a second date to see if nerves settle and communication improves.
If not, good news: there are plenty of new people out there to meet. Keep an open mind, stay confident, and trust that the right person will appreciate a great conversation, that goes both ways, as much as you do!
If your issue is men who don’t talk enough, read this blog.
If your issue is that dating isn’t fun for you, or not giving you the results you want, please check out my digital course, Master the Art of Love.
Frequently Asked Questions about Men's Behavior on First Dates:
Why do some men seem interested on the date but never follow up?
Sometimes a man will seem engaged and have a great time on a date, only to disappear or not ask for a second date—leaving women confused. This is likely because either they were dating for short-term companionship or sex, not for something serious, or they were dating multiple people and decided to pursue things more seriously with someone else. Very occasionally, they got very busy or sick, but don't count on it. You can check in once before letting go of a ghoster.
Why do some men avoid making clear plans for a second date?
Some men hesitate to lock in a second date, making women wonder if they’re indecisive, unsure, or just not that interested. Sometimes, they truly are hesitant about what they want. Sometimes they are afraid they are being pushy or will plan the wrong thing, so they are stalling, giving themselves time to come up with a few good ideas for what to do. You can wait about a week and even check in one last time, but if no next date gets planned, let them go.
Why do some men seem distracted or not fully present during the date?
Women often pick up on a man checking his phone, looking around, or not actively listening, raising concerns about his level of interest. Sometimes this can mean a lack of interest, but often it just means he's nervous. You can help by asking interesting questions and making eye contact. If you find him distracting, use your sense of humor to bring back the focus, and then get a good conversation going.
Why do some men come on too strong or move too fast on a first date?
Some men push for intimacy, make big declarations, or try to rush things, so you may question what their real motives are. Sometimes men get lonely and want to move things along quickly to avoid that feeling or to get to the sex sooner. A good way to find out where you date is about such things is to tell him you like to take it slow and are looking for a long-term commitment. Some men are very receptive to feedback and change, but if your date is having a hard time slowing things down, he's probably not a good match.
Why do some men expect the woman to plan or lead the date?
Some men take a passive approach, leaving women to decide on the place, conversation flow, or even paying the bill. What does that seeming lack of effort mean? Men have good reason to be confused about what women want these days. A few decades ago, it was pretty generally accepted that men would do the pursuing and the paying, and while most women still really like a man who takes initiative, a lot of women deeply want to share a sense of leadership in the relationship. This is something that needs to be discussed openly in any new couple, so you can see if your cultures and desires (in terms of who leads and pays) are compatible.
Why do some men bring up their ex or past relationships on a first date?
It can be awkward when a man overshares about his ex. Does it mean he's still too hung up on the past? Isn't it the worst when a man spends his whole date talking about his ex(es)? He may think he is being his authentic self, but it feels more like he is using you for a therapy session. Usually, too much talk about the ex implies the person hasn't done the healing work and introspection necessary to move on to a great relationship. However, you and your date should have a short synopsis of what hasn't worked in past relationships that can be shared succinctly, maturely, and without blame. Always focus on what you've learned.
Love,
