Why Do Men Talk So Much On First Dates?
Some men are narcissists.
Some men are full of themselves.
Most men are neither.
Most men are normal humans who have developed personality traits and coping mechanisms to handle stress and anxiety, just like YOU.
I know dating is stressful for you. Dating is also VERY stressful for men. They feel they are being judged, and often based on very superficial things.
Usually, because they ARE.
They fear they will be rejected early, before they have had a chance to prove themselves worthy.
They get nervous and insecure. And sometimes because of it, they talk too much.
They might actually be shy or awkward, and over-talk in hopes you won’t notice. They might be worried you’ll find something wrong with them, so they front load lots of stories or facts to make themselves look good. They might just also be attempting to appear super confident when, in fact, they are not.
They might be so nervous about how they are coming off to you, that they forget to focus on YOU. Which is what most women really want. (Feel free to forward this to your male friends and family.)
Is this forgivable?
I say “YES.”
Especially when the alternative is standing (or sitting) in judgment and watching a man (socially) drown, when you could throw him a life preserver.
Now, just as in lifeguarding, I am not saying get in the pool and drown with him, but throw him some help and see what happens.
How that might look:
Genuinely listening and demonstrating understanding by reflecting back what you heard or asking a follow up question when there is a pause.
Attempting to answer the same questions you’ve asked, once he’s done answering.
Gently interrupting, with an apology, to insure you get your fair share of air time.
If it’s going well, sometimes a touch on the hand or just leaning forward can add reassurance. Energy is real, and they CAN feel it. You can also say kind, reassuring things (if they are true.)
You can say “ask me about XYZ.”
When we’re nervous, we lose some mental faculties, so offering kind reassurance and helpful prompts, to keep the talk time pretty even, really helps.
And, if none of the above is working, you can ask your date if he is nervous. And you can ask him if he’d like to know XYZ about you. A direct question like this can make a person feel seen, get present and help them relax. It won’t work with everyone, but if this man is a good match for you it will work with him!
If still none of that works, at least you tried your best and you can move on with a clear conscience.
When male nerves meet with female judgment and criticism (even if just internally) things go badly.
That’s why I am charging you with keeping your side of the street really clean, and showing up very sweetly to your first interactions and dates.
There is a time for judgment about selfishness, it’s just not yet! Reserve judgment for after 1 or 2 dates, and only after you’ve done everything you can to support a good give and take.
If your issue is men who don’t talk enough, read this blog. https://lauriegerber.com/blog/get-men-talking-dating-marriage
If your issue is that dating isn’t fun for you, or not giving you the results you want, please check out my digital course, Master the Art of Love.
On Aug 1, the course price will go up from $249 to $669, because I added a bunch of new things. If you’re on the fence about it, jump in now and you’ll get all the new things at the OLD price.
Love,
