Am I Good Enough to be Loved for What I Am?
One of the biggest obstacles I see stopping women in midlife from finding a meaningful romantic relationship is a deeply rooted belief that they are somehow “not enough” to deserve it. That they're too old, too damaged, too late, too this or that. This belief quietly chips away at confidence and keeps otherwise vibrant, loving women from putting themselves out there or truly opening up to the possibility of love.
But let’s get one thing straight from the beginning: You are worthy of love. Right now. Just as you are.
The key is believing that truth deeply enough to act on it.
Why These Feelings of Inadequacy?
The question of self-worth is a complicated one, shaped by years of experiences, relationships, and cultural conditioning. But in today's world, it's made even more intense by something we’re all exposed to constantly: social media.
It used to be that our comparisons were limited to the magazine covers we saw in line at the grocery store or the occasional Hollywood rom-com. But now, with a 24/7 feed of curated, filtered, often fabricated glimpses into people’s “perfect” lives, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you’re falling short. And when that comparison machine is running in the background every day, it’s no wonder we start to feel like we're not young enough, attractive enough, accomplished enough, or lovable enough.
That’s why one of the first steps in reclaiming your sense of worth is this: Call BS.
Call BS on the illusion that everyone else has it figured out. On the lie that only people who look a certain way or hit a certain income bracket get to find love. And on the false belief that you need to fix yourself before you’re allowed to be happy.
Instead of constantly measuring yourself against external images and opinions, bring the focus inward. Ask: How do I feel about myself? What would make me proud today? When you shift your attention to what you can control and how you can nurture your own well-being, everything changes.
How to Improve Low Self-Worth
Here’s the good news: working on your self-worth not only helps you feel better—it actually increases your chances of finding a happy, healthy relationship. Why? Because confidence is attractive. Self-respect sets the standard for how others treat you. And someone who genuinely likes herself isn’t likely to settle for crumbs.
So, how do you begin to rebuild that sense of worth?
If there’s something in your life you want to upgrade—go for it! Want to get more fit? Find a way to move your body that you actually enjoy. Want to cut back on drinking? Start with one evening at a time. Want to feel more stylish or polished? Get a haircut or try a new lipstick. Want to get your finances in better shape? Begin tracking your spending or reach out to a coach or advisor.
Many of the women in my Master the Art of Love coaching group are not only learning to date with confidence—they’re also improving other areas of their lives. They’re decluttering their homes, eating better, having difficult conversations, leaving jobs that drain them, and taking time to take care of the little things. Because when you start believing in your own worth, you start showing up differently, in a good way. You stop settling.
And you attract people who see your value, too.
These steps don’t have to be dramatic. Even small acts of self-respect build momentum. And when you start seeing yourself as someone who takes care of her life, who’s actively growing, you begin to feel worthy of good things—including love.
But here’s the key: You are not doing these things so that someone else will love you. You're doing them because you deserve to feel good. Because you’ll stand taller. You’ll speak more kindly to yourself. And yes, that inner shift will radiate outward and attract healthier connections.
You Have Inherent Worth—Even When Your Inner Critic Says Otherwise
Fact: We all have an inner critic. That voice that whispers, You’re too much. You’re not enough. You’ll never find someone. But that voice isn’t telling the truth—it’s just repeating old programming, often rooted in early life experiences, trauma, or societal messages we absorbed long ago.
The reality? People of every age, background, shape, and circumstance find love. Every freakin day.
So if you’re telling yourself that there’s one thing holding you back—your weight, your age, your past—you can take a deep breath and let that go. Because that’s not the real obstacle. The most common barriers I see are:
Staying in toxic relationships out of fear or familiarity, or low self-esteem. Watch this if you want to know how to get out faster.
Still being emotionally attached to an ex. Read this if you want to learn how to detox an ex.
Secretly not believing that love is possible for you, or that you can't find the right person. Read this if you don't know your bad patterns.
Saying you’re looking for love, but not actually doing the inner or outer work
Lacking the skills to communicate honestly and set healthy boundaries. Read this for how to communicate about sticky issues.
Engaging in too much negative self-talk
These are real, solvable challenges. And when you tackle them with support, growth is the inevitable result.
“Enough” Is a Myth
The idea that you must hit some arbitrary benchmark before you’re “allowed” to find love? It's simply not true.
There is no checklist you must complete before becoming lovable. You already are.
You’re not looking for someone to fix what’s broken or fill some hole in your self-esteem. You’re looking for a true match—someone who, like you, is growing, learning, showing up imperfectly but wholeheartedly.
Doesn’t that sound like the kind of love worth searching for?
👉 Want to learn more about how to find and maintain healthy love?
Watch my free hour-long webinar here.
Self Esteem and Self-Worth FAQ
Why can't I attract a romantic partner?
Finding a partner isn’t about luck—it’s about mindset, intention, and aligned effort. If you’re struggling, start by looking inward: Are you being a loving partner to yourself? Do you treat yourself like a close friend, with kindness and respect? When you raise your standards for how you treat you in your own life, others will rise to meet them.
Where does my lack of self-worth come from?
Feelings of low self-worth often stem from early life experiences—childhood dynamics, trauma, or chronic criticism. They can also be reinforced by later relationships, cultural messages, and mental health struggles. Working with a therapist or coach can help you identify these root causes and begin healing them so they no longer hold power over you.
What are some powerful affirmations I can use?
Daily affirmations can help rewire the brain's core beliefs and quiet your inner critic. Here are a few to try:
I am worthy of love exactly as I am.
I choose to speak kindly to myself today.
I am open to receiving love in all its forms.
I don’t need to be perfect to be loved.
I trust that what’s meant for me will find me.
Think of it this way: Fire your inner critic and hire an inner life coach who speaks to you with wisdom, compassion, and encouragement.
Why is it difficult to find a deep connection?
There are several reasons people struggle to connect deeply:
You may not truly believe a deep connection is possible (and that belief affects your energy).
You might not be actively looking or putting in consistent effort to support your core values.
You may lack the communication and boundary-setting skills that support emotional intimacy.
The good news? All of these can be addressed through self-awareness and practice.
How do you tell if you are the problem in a relationship?
Relationships are rarely one-sided. But if you notice recurring issues, ask yourself:
Am I stuck in defensiveness or blame?
Do I shut down or lash out when I feel hurt?
Have I been going through a depressive episode that’s affecting my ability to connect?
Do I tend to repeat certain patterns that sabotage closeness?
Self-reflection is powerful—but don’t do it alone. Support from a therapist, coach, or trusted group can help you see clearly, give you the external guidance you need to make lasting changes, even when it takes hard work.
Love,
