Why Must I Swipe Swipe Swipe, Delete, Delete, Delete
March 17, 2024
My first answer is, dating is an honest job and you DO need to be willing to put in the work. Finding your soulmate does take time and a good attitude, like any other important accomplishment.
My second answer is: maybe you don’t have to work SO hard.
If you are having the experience of looking for a needle in a haystack you might be unconsciously making dating harder than it actually is.
It should be more like looking for a bunch of gummy bears in a haystack than 1 needle!
One member of Master the Art of Love asked me this question because she felt she was forced to waste time saying no to too many crappy prospects.
I don’t want my clients to get dating fatigue, so I told her the 3 keys to getting better candidates and moving more quickly through those that aren’t a match.
- You must know exactly what you want.
You need a list of 5-7 practical things, 5-7 “heart” things and 5-7 things regarding chemistry and attraction. If it’s more than 7, you’re looking for a fantasy or some compensation for something, not a partner. ESSENTIALIZE!
2. You must prove you want THAT to the powers that be, by looking for it, imagining it and saying NO when someone is NOT IT.
Every day, I need you to imagine finding this person. This will make you biased towards looking up and flirting. Believing/faith is very attractive. And when someone clearly doesn’t fit your criteria or a DEALBREAKER is present, you must abort the mission.
3. You must counteract your fear. Fear, though natural, if succumbed to, is a dream killer.
The dating game requires mind management. When fear comes in, you need to replace it with imagining what you DO want and finding evidence that it exists. I developed group coaching to go with my dating course, because this requires support. Dating is a team sport!
Tired of Swiping and Deleting With No Results?
If dating apps feel like a part-time job and your matches are going nowhere, it’s time to upgrade your mindset and strategy. My free training will show you how to make dating feel more joyful—and more effective.
✅ Learn how to filter out the wrong people faster
✅ Discover why your list of non-negotiables really matters
✅ Get mindset tools to avoid burnout and keep your faith in love
👉 Watch here
Love,
Frequently Asked Questions about Overcoming Dating Fatigue
1. Why does dating feel like such a grind?
If you're constantly swiping and rarely connecting, it’s likely because you haven’t defined what you actually want—or you're too afraid to say no. Without a clear vision and boundaries, dating becomes draining instead of fun.
2. What do you mean by “essentializing” my list?
Instead of chasing a fantasy partner with 30 must-haves, you narrow your list to 5–7 traits in each category: practical, emotional, and physical. This helps you focus on what really matters and recognize matches faster.
3. How do I keep believing love is possible when I keep getting let down?
It takes daily mindset work. Imagining the partner you want and acting like they exist shifts your energy—and it shows. People are attracted to belief and clarity. And yes, it takes practice, which is why coaching helps.
4. I hate rejecting people. Isn’t that too harsh?
Being clear and kind is not harsh—it’s honest. If someone doesn’t match what you want, saying no quickly is a gift to both of you. It frees up your time and energy for someone who’s actually right for you.
5. Why do you say dating is a “team sport”?
Because doing it alone is exhausting. When you have a coach and a community backing you up, you feel seen, encouraged, and accountable. That kind of support helps you stay in the game and find love faster.
Love,