First Date Signs He Likes You
So many of my clients come to me upset and frustrated, because for sure they thought a gentleman was "into them"--only to find out he wasn't serious at all. How soon can you tell if a man likes you, if you can tell at all? Here I will inform you about some key early dating signs that a man is interested in you.
Online dating in midlife has so many twists and turns you may often wonder: is his behavior a sign of genuine interest and attraction, or just nerves?
Did your date fumfer, babble on, sweat like a dog? Talk too little? Talk too much? These could be signs he likes you. Or they could be signs you scare him.
As a relationship expert, I have been studying dating behavior for the last 20 years, and I've learned the subtle ways that suggest good vibes and a desire to take things to a deeper level.
The first thing you need to rule out is his nervousness.
Make sure you do what you can to put a man at ease before the first date.
How?
Ask for a video chat before you meet, and tell them you want to check if there's chemistry. That way, if you end up on a live date, it's a great sign that you both agreed there was, in fact, chemistry. Plus the conversation you'll have during the video date is the best way to start to get to know each other, and build rapport.
Don't ask the hard questions during the texting and video chat phase, those are for the second date! Instead, ask lots of questions about likes and dislikes, plans, activities, his family, recent experiences and show genuine interest in understanding how his life is currently working and what his hopes and dreams are.
Share your own personal experiences. Smile with your eyes, lean in, show genuine curiosity and an occasional light or playful touch somewhere appropriate on his body will show your interest and help put him at ease.
Planning a great first date goes a long way
A great date means you have time and space to speak to each other without interruption or a lot of distractions. Be prepared with open-ended questions designed to really get to know the other person. Leave your phone off and look your best so you can give your undivided attention to your date. At the same time, do not put too much pressure on the first date--you just need quality one-on-one time to get more answers to your questions, and see if you are attracted.
Most common mistakes on first dates:
Going somewhere too noisy to hear each other well.
Drinking too much--he might seem to like you when he's drinking but everyone needs a sober assessment.
Seeing a new movie or concert. That doesn't work because you need to be undistracted. A coffee, meal or a walk would be ideal for a first meet.
Bringing close friends. Never bring friends to your first date, don't even go anywhere you might run into someone you know. You need to focus only on each other and the experience! No double dates until you've been monogamous for a few months.
What is a clear indication that he likes you?
You might be wondering if how your date acted is a good sign, or a good enough sign. Maybe you felt like you had a great time. You noticed eye contact, a clear sign of interest. There was a physical contact of some sort, which is one of the subtle signs of attraction. But that's not enough. A lot of people develop social skills to get an outcome--like companionship or sex, before they really know if they are interested on a deeper level. So see if you can check a few more boxes before making any assumptions:
Did you detect any of the following not so subtle cues?
Open body language and the desire to go beyond small talk
Sharing of personal information
Him paying close attention to things you say
Him giving you genuine compliments that are specific vs. vague
Him asking follow-up questions based on what you said
Him asking for your phone number (if he doesn't have it)
Him asking to make future plans with you
Him making the first move to kiss you
Any of these could be a strong indication that he likes you, but the more boxes you're checking the better.
What should I do at the end of the date?
If it's true, say you had a good time and the line: "If you asked me out again I'd say yes." How does he respond? If he goes to plan the next date, it's a good indicator he likes you. If not, you can still give it a couple of days and check your text messages. But for your self-esteem, get right back on the dating apps and start filling your pipeline again. You always want to have enough going on you are not hanging on to any one person liking you. The best part about online dating is there are ALWAYS more candidates.
Also at the end of the date, when you walk away, peek back at him real quick. Is she looking at you? It's not one of the completely telltale signs, but it's good news if he is.
What should happen the next day if you made a good impression?
As a general rule, if the man is interested, you should get obvious signs: a follow-up text message to make sure you got home okay, a check in the next day, further clarification of the next plan to get together. And then regular contact after that. If contact dies off suddenly, do not panic, you can check in once and speak up for the frequency of contact you like, but if he doesn't respond agreeably, let him go. He's not your person. You really must be compatible regarding the frequency and style of communication you like, or it's not a match.
On the other hand, it's normal to excuse or explain away when a man goes missing. I am all for a little bit of patience but if you are being ghosted, it's a waste of time to wait for his return. Please understand most people in the dating scene are dating multiple people and even if you had a great date they may choose to pursue someone else more heavily without letting you know.
More on how to avoid ghosting here.
Was it a Red flag or green light (regarding getting the next date)?
Red flags:
Irregular contact
Not answering certain questions or being purposely vague
Trying to get you to drink
Trying to get you back to his place or yours before you are ready
Too much interest (yup, professing love on a first date isn't a great sign he really likes you--because he doesn't actually know you well enough yet)
Green lights:
He says what he is looking for
He happily asks and answers questions
He touches you (appropriately)
He stays off his phone
He creates inside jokes with you
Knowing looks
He asks to kiss you or goes in for one
He says he likes you and asks you out again
He looks at you as you walk away
With all this being said. A first date is never enough to really draw conclusions about whether he likes you or not--nor whether or not YOU like him! Remember it's actually more important for you to be wondering if YOU like HIM! If you want to learn more about your "true type" watch my free webinar.
Most of us put on our best behavior for first dates and act charming and charmed whether we are or not. So please, take these signs with a grain of salt and trust your overall intuition about things. The best way to judge if someone likes you is over time, and through engaging in real-life activities and deep conversation together. If they keep showing up, curious, and they keep working through conflict with you (which means they are telling the truth and want you to as well) those are the best signs that they like you in a meaningful and long-lasting way.
And, you deserve deep, long-lasting love--so please hold out for it!
Love,
