5 Tips to Avoid Being Ghosted Forever 🚫👻
One of the main complaints I hear from daters is about BEING GHOSTED.
Ghosting is a pretty new term. I know because my 80-year old dad said “huh, what’s that?” He stopped dating before computers, texting and online dating sites. You could still ghost someone in those days– but nobody was talking about it.
Ghosting refers to abruptly cutting off contact with someone without explanation. If you reach out to a ghoster to find out “why??” you’ll be met with nothing. Poof, gone. The lack of a live sentient caring human=a ghost!
I’ve been coaching online daters for years through webinars on Match.com, Jdate, Zoosk, etc., and individually. It would be silly to forego the abundance provided by these sites just because the impersonalization can lead to insensitivity.
I promise you:
MOST OF THE PEOPLE ON THE SITES ARE LOOKING FOR REAL RELATIONSHIPS!
You can do a lot to ensure that you stand out to those who are looking, and that you eliminate the riff raff before you have a chance to get hurt. For more on eliminating riff raff, see my article on the 3H method of vetting your date.
Here are 5 Things You Can DO to Avoid Getting Ghosted:
1. Make your profile truly unique, and your pictures fabulous.
I am telling you right now, the best thing you can do for your dating life is take fabulous pictures of yourself on an ongoing basis. Learn the light, make-up, colors, angles etc. that are best for you and get obsessed with capturing you at your best. Keep changing the pictures too. Yup, dating is marketing and sales, all the rules apply. New content is king! A/B testing works…and you must HOOK your audience!
No sunglasses, sports caps that don’t represent a sport you like, no other people in your photos. Feature you, all of you, the real you-but looking your BEST. You must have a full body shot. If you’re not happy with your body, see me about coaching.
As for the profile, please make it stand out. Do whatever you have to do. Hire a professional or a friend or co-worker who knows you and can write– if you truly cannot. You’ve read a million profiles, you know what EVERYONE says, please don’t say the same thing too!
If you ALREADY have a dating profile, stop right now, and please send it (yes, with the pics) to three honest friends, and ask them if the pics and words represent you accurately, at your best. Pray you have honest friends, who know how to take a picture, because it’s likely you need new ones!
(This is quite possibly my assistant's favorite meme.)
2. Only chat online for under a week, then take it to video.
Chatting online is 💩. It’s a stall tactic. Here is what I want you to establish through chatting.
they are a real person
they meet your basic requirements and are not tripping dealbreaker alarms
it is not your dad under a pseudonym
you have friendly banter
Then get on a video date as soon as possible to see what they lied about and if there is chemistry. This can be 10 minutes long, but it is a must before a live date. If the connection fizzles, abort the mission honestly with a line like:
“It’s been good to meet you. You seem lovely. I don’t think this is a romantic match but I wish you the best of luck!”
No ghosts, just kind honesty.
3. Only go on a real date with someone who fits your criteria and you feel you can be yourself with.
You absolutely may not go on a live date if one of your deal breakers has already made itself known, or you do not feel comfortable enough with the person to be yourself. If there is no dating people who are inappropriate for you, there will be way less ghosting!
4. Assume he is dating other people, and talk about it with him, openly.
People ghost because they do not want to talk about the fact that they are seeing other people. You can make sure that’s a topic from the get-go, and not a taboo one!
It’s nothing to be ashamed of that each of you is on the hunt and trying different things. If people could be honest about that, there would be very little ghosting. Please lead the way in making this a comfortable topic to discuss.
5. Always plan the next date during the one you’re currently on.
If you meet the person’s criteria and there is good chemistry (and they want to tap dat booty, to be blunt) they are going to want another date. If they don’t want to set something up then and there, assume you’re going to get ghosted and let it go.
I am not saying there are exceptions to this rule, of course there might be people who really do not know their schedules and need a minute to plan or could be having doubts but then come around, but please be clear; when each of you is attracted, wants the same thing and fits the each other’s criteria, it should NOT be a struggle to stay in touch and plan the next date.
If there is a hold up, your job is to LET GO! If they come back later, and they meet YOUR criteria, bonus, but no hoping!
If you are willing to read the writing on the wall, and be honest with yourself and your dates, you greatly reduce your chances of being ghosted. You control the narrative, don’t ever forget that! And you ain't afraid of no ghost!
