Is Dating in Digital Times Even Worth It?
Are you so resigned about dating that you’re asking yourself if it’s even worth it?
I get it. A lot of women who come to me are exhausted by past relationships, overwhelmed by careers, families, and the true time suck of swiping left and right on online dating sites. If you’ve dabbled in modern dating, only to be disappointed, I understand your wariness—and your weariness.
I want to say something a little bold, and a little counter culture:
You don’t need a partner.
You’ve built an incredible life with good friends, fulfilling work and hobbies, and made real contributions to the world. I bet you enjoy your own company, and you should. Ok, trigger warning, I am going South.
I figure, nay, I hope, you know how to please yourself sexually better than any potential partner could on a first date.
So, I understand why you might be wondering:
Is the juice worth the squeeze when it comes to dating, especially online dating?
If I put in the effort, will I ever find the right person?
What if I meet someone and they turn out to be a total dud?
The idea of opening your life to another person can be overwhelming. Sure, having a new partner for travel, companionship, and romance sounds nice. But then reality hits:
What if he wants to change the temperature of your room?
What if he eats differently than you do?
What if he expects you to adjust your social life to his?
What if he snores?
What if he expects things you don’t want to give?
What if he gets sick and needs care?
What if he becomes a burden financially?
What if he keeps you wondering how he feels and causes you sleepless nights?
Yikes! Fears can turn into “runaway trains” fast.
But here’s the thing: In my coaching methodology, we don’t ignore fears—we listen and learn from them.
Some of these fears are absurd:
If he snores or needs a different room temp, you wear earplugs or sleep separately.
If he eats differently, that doesn’t mean you can’t have your own meals.
But some issues are legit, and you need the skills to talk about them before falling too hard for someone. That’s why my digital course, Master the Art of Love, has an entire module dedicated to the Art of a Difficult Conversation—because whether it’s first dates, second dates, or even long-term relationships, communication is key.
Start by making a list of what scares you about finding love. Be brutally honest. Some fears will be irrational, and you can let them go. But others will reveal important red flags that you need to discuss openly before committing.
The Online Dating Exhaustion is Real—But So Is the Potential
Being scared is exhausting. Endless swiping is exhausting. Disappointment is exhausting. I am not going to pretend modern dating is easy.
It’s a numbers game, for real!
There are literally millions of single people out there, with new ones becoming available every day! It may take time, but it’s far from impossible, despite what those pesky fear voices are telling you.
If you exist, they exist! But you have to stay in the game.
The best dating apps can connect you to potential dates, but if you’re feeling disappointed or drained by the dating pool, take a break. Spending time on the right matches, rather than swiping endlessly, is a great way to avoid burnout.
Benefits of Staying in the Game
More and more women are telling me they want to opt out of the dating game altogether and that’s a valid choice. But here’s the good news for those of you who just know you’ll be happier with a suitable companion!
Now there’s less competition! So get your head in the game…
I want you to call to mind an ideal partner for you. Go ahead and create an image of him from fictional characters or aspects of people you’ve loved.
How does he smell? What’s he wearing? Where is he sitting in your home? What does he do and say when you walk in? How does he touch you?
Imagine you had a bad day and now you are receiving a long delicious hug or being served a fresh cooked dinner, if that’s what comforts you. Imagine relaying the details of your day to a kind listener, then getting your feet rubbed, while you dream up your next trip together.
Love really could be and feel like this. It could be what you dreamed of, but you do have to put in the work. It starts with having a juicy dream or vision of what you want and starting to lean into how good it would be. (vs pretending you don’t care.)
Benefits of Finding Love
Finding love would have all the expected benefits:
you’d feel less lonely
you’d be happier having a plus one at events
you’d enjoy travel more and feel safer
you’d have a sense of security and wholeness you don’t have now
But it might have some of these unexpected benefits too:
you’d get healthier and sexier
you’d have more fun
you’d feel held
you’d get smarter and better at communication
you’d experience an increase in confidence across the board
you’d take more risks
And science tells us: you’d probably live longer.
Is that enough benefit? It’s important that you have a good strong “why” when it comes to finding love– because dating can be overwhelming, especially when you are in the learning stages.
If you get the right support and education about dating, however, the juice is definitely worth the squeeze.
Getting the Best Squeeze
If you’re still doubting that dating is even worth your time, here are my best ways to make it more fulfilling:
✅ Be Selective with Apps – Not all dating apps are created equal. Best free dating apps work for some, but others might benefit from a paid subscription to filter out casual users.
✅ Use Your Social Circle – Mutual friends, social clubs, your kids parents or even a coffee shop can be just as effective as swiping.
✅ Prioritize Mindset – If dating is causing anxiety, take a step back. Dance before you get online. Talk only to friends who take a positive attitude about dating. Make sure you are getting enough fresh air, exercise, healthy food, and spiritual time. Long-term relationships shouldn’t come at the expense of your well-being.
✅ Recognize Red Flags Early – If someone is inconsistent, secretive, or just doesn’t show you a good time, abort the mission before the 4th date.
Is Dating Worth It?
At the end of the day, the answer is up to you. If finding love is a priority, dating takes effort. But if you’re doing it in a way that drains you rather than excites you, you are doing it wrong!
Ask yourself: Are you dating in a way that feels right for you? If not, change the game.
And remember, if you ever need guidance, I’m here to help you date like you mean it!
Top Five FAQs About Digital Dating and Whether It’s Worth It
1. Is online dating actually worth my time, or is it just exhausting?
Online dating can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. The key is being selective with apps, setting clear intentions, and avoiding mindless swiping. If you’re feeling drained, take a break and refocus on real-life connections—through hobbies, social circles, mutual friends, or social clubs. The right person is out there, but finding them should be an empowering process, not an endlessly disappointing one.
2. How do I avoid online dating burnout?
Burnout happens when you treat dating life as a full-time job instead of a daily dip into fun. Instead of chatting with lots of people who don’t align with your goals, be intentional about where and how you spend your time. If an app isn’t working, research how to refresh it or switch to another one. Mix online dating with real life efforts to meet new people. If you are really burnt out, take a break. You can learn a lot about the game, while on the bench preparing for you next “at bat.”
3. How do I know if someone is serious about a long-term relationship?
If someone is vague about what they want, inconsistent in communication, or avoids real-life meetups, those are red flags and indicate they are not looking for something serious. On the other hand if they love bomb you and want to meet right away, that’s also a sign they may just be looking for a balm to loneliness or sex. Folks who are looking for long-term relationships understand your need to vet them, ask questions, have a video chat and keep the pace consistent but manageable. The best dating apps allow you to filter for long-term relationships, but you still need to ask the right questions to ensure alignment.
4. What’s the best way to balance dating with my busy life?
If you feel like dating is another hard thing to add to your already-packed schedule, you need to change your mindset. Dating should feel fun and manageable. I suggest these dating strategies:
Set aside intentional dating time instead of swiping aimlessly.
Say yes to social opportunities where you might meet amazing people organically.
Be upfront about your time and priorities—the right person will respect that.
5. What should I do if I feel discouraged by past dating experiences?
If past experiences have left you feeling jaded, that’s understandable—but don’t let them dictate your future. If we let every past failure stop us, we’d simply never succeed!
The dating pool is constantly changing, and so are you. Focus on being happy in your own life, trying new things and building evidence that love is still possible.
Love,
