What Makes 2 People TRULY Compatible: It's Not What You Think
It’s not what you think…
As a dating coach for women, I can attest that values are important, especially when finding love over 50. Read all about that here.
Yes, your dreams for your future and his should intertwine well. Your lives need to WORK well together.
But here’s what you are possibly avoiding, and not finding out enough about early in dating:
LIABILITY COMPATIBILITY
A liability is something that’s considered “not so great” about us.
Each of us has about 7 of them and that’s just a fact.
Could be something truly difficult like:
a health condition
a lot of debt
an active addiction
Or just something really unique that you won’t change:
you love your dog and must sleep with him
you are allergic to cats
you need to live in a certain place
Or a life circumstance that requires juggling and/or empathy:
you’re caring for a sick parent
your kids are still at home or are troubled or both
you’re an abuse survivor
Maybe you have a bad habit:
you’re a slob with your stuff
you interrupt, constantly
you forget grooming or self-care
Or you (like everyone) have a few “bad” personality traits:
you’re stubborn
you’re judgmental
you’re a workaholic
GOOD NEWS: Some people you date will be unoffended– all the way to charmed– by your liabilities. Sometimes liabilities even cancel each other out, like you’re both judgmental and you like to do it together. Some of my husband’s liabilities don’t even occur to me as liabilities, and vice versa.
And sometimes liabilities are the opposite, they are DEAL BREAKERS!
The trick is to find out and discuss liabilities early on. If a liability is a dealbreaker for either of you, that’s not your person.
Alternatively, if your liabilities don’t bother each other, it’s a great sign that you are TRULY compatible!
ASSIGNMENT: Take a moment to make your list of liabilities. While you are at it, make a list of your assets too, there are probably a lot more of those!
Then make a list of the liabilities you’d be ok with your mate having. You’re not finding someone perfect, I can promise you that. Instead, imagine a real flawed human–just with flaws you can handle!
For example, if you are fine with someone who’s short, bald, dad-bodied, or who struggles with ED or ADHD, your pool just got way bigger. If you’re stumped on what liabilities you could handle, please email me back here for help! Nobody is perfect, but your perfect mate has liabilities that don’t offend you, and vice versa.
Isn’t it great to know you can be yourself and be loved, and so can they?
Love,
