Got Daddy Issues?
A few days ago I found myself saying something for the 3rd time in a week to a 50+ woman who was trying to get back into dating.
“It’s not about whether or not YOU are good enough.”
I thought we’d all done enough self-help to stop questioning if we measure up to a man’s standards. But it turns out, no.
In my work as a dating coach for women who struggle with finding love, I know that a lot of the feelings of unworthiness stem back to “Daddy Issues.”
If you are still questioning:
Did my father see me/accept me?
Did he think me worthy of love?
Did he think I was beautiful?
There may be self-help work left to do.
You have two choices:
Take it up with him. If you do it gracefully, there is a lot of juice for this squeeze. Start with being curious about him and seeking to understand and accept HIM. My thoughts on this are here.
Stop hoping he, or any other man, will tell you that you’re worthy, and make it an inside job from now on.
Or both.
What dating after divorce is actually about is seeing whether you and the other person are a good match (including your liabilities), not whether or not you (or they) are “good enough.”
But if you are still unresolved with your father, you may be looking for another man to compensate for what you didn’t get from your dad.
That’s how dating becomes about whether or not you are “good enough” instead of about finding a good enough match.
Do you see the connection?
If what you want from a man is to feel seen, accepted and loved, you MUST do this for yourself, first.
If what you want from a man is to be told you are beautiful, you must do this for yourself first. Not so easy, is it?
Now you understand a little about why it was so hard for your father to do? Or why is it hard for men who have not experienced this themselves? It requires a ton of courage and vulnerability.
But YOU CAN DO IT!
And here's what it will mean for your love life:
NO MORE trying to prove yourself.
NO MORE “trying too hard or people pleasing.”
NO MORE feeling unworthy.
NO MORE wondering if you are “good enough.”
Love will just be 2 flawed humans enhancing each other's lives, being best friends who have sensual, sexual (and regular) adventures together. A main course of companionship with learning and growth on the side.
Sound delicious? It is. And it is possible for you.
Want me to hold your hand through the healing + dating process, sign up for Master the Art of Love.
Love,
