Got Daddy Issues?
A few days ago I found myself saying something for the 3rd time in a week to a 50+ woman who was trying to get back into dating.
“It’s not about whether or not YOU are good enough.”
I thought we’d all done enough self-help to stop questioning if we measure up to a man’s standards. But it turns out, no.
In my work as a dating coach for women who struggle with finding love, I know that a lot of the feelings of unworthiness stem back to “Daddy Issues.”
If you are still questioning:
Did my father see me/accept me?
Did he think me worthy of love?
Did he think I was beautiful?
There may be self-help work left to do.
You have two choices:
Take it up with him. If you do it gracefully, there is a lot of juice for this squeeze. Start with being curious about him and seeking to understand and accept HIM. My thoughts on this are here.
Stop hoping he, or any other man, will tell you that you’re worthy, and make it an inside job from now on.
Or both.
What dating after divorce is actually about is seeing whether you and the other person are a good match (including your liabilities), not whether or not you (or they) are “good enough.”
But if you are still unresolved with your father, you may be looking for another man to compensate for what you didn’t get from your dad.
That’s how dating becomes about whether or not you are “good enough” instead of about finding a good enough match.
Do you see the connection?
If what you want from a man is to feel seen, accepted and loved, you MUST do this for yourself, first.
If what you want from a man is to be told you are beautiful, you must do this for yourself first. Not so easy, is it?
Now you understand a little about why it was so hard for your father to do? Or why is it hard for men who have not experienced this themselves? It requires a ton of courage and vulnerability.
But YOU CAN DO IT!
And here's what it will mean for your love life:
NO MORE trying to prove yourself.
NO MORE “trying too hard or people pleasing.”
NO MORE feeling unworthy.
NO MORE wondering if you are “good enough.”
Love will just be 2 flawed humans enhancing each other's lives, being best friends who have sensual, sexual (and regular) adventures together. A main course of companionship with learning and growth on the side.
Sound delicious? It is. And it is possible for you.
Want me to hold your hand through the healing + dating process? Sign up for Master the Art of Love.
Ready to Heal What’s Blocking Love—For Good?
If your love life feels like one big test of whether you're “good enough,” it’s time to rewrite the story. Healing your past is the key to designing a future full of love, connection, and ease. Join me for my free webinar: “3 Secrets to Finding and Maintaining Healthy Love.” I’ll guide you through the mindset and tools that change everything.
Frequently Asked Questions about “Daddy Issues” and Dating
What exactly are “daddy issues”?
It’s shorthand for unresolved emotional wounds connected to your father or father figures—especially around love, worth, acceptance, or visibility. These often show up in dating as self-doubt, overfunctioning, or chasing unavailable partners.
How do I know if my past with my father is affecting my dating life?
Ask yourself: Do I question my worth around men? Do I need external validation to feel lovable? Do I fall into old patterns despite knowing better? These are signs your inner child is still driving the dating bus—and it’s time to take the wheel.
Do I have to confront my father to heal?
Not necessarily. You can have a powerful healing conversation if it feels safe and right—but many people do the work completely within themselves. The key is understanding the impact, forgiving what you can, and learning how to meet your own emotional needs.
Why do I keep attracting the same kinds of men?
Because unresolved wounds seek familiar dynamics. If your nervous system equates love with proving yourself, you’ll keep finding people who require you to do that. Once you heal, you’ll naturally be drawn to people who meet you with ease and emotional availability.
Can I really change decades of patterning in midlife?
Yes, 100%. Your past explains you, but it doesn’t define you. With the right support and tools, you can rewire your beliefs, boost your confidence, and finally choose partners who are good for you—not just familiar to your pain.
Love,
