Are you a Good Lover?
Nope, this is NOT about your sexual technique, though we WILL be getting to that. This about LOVE, as a verb.
The word love is so loaded. It’s impossible to know what someone means when they say it because it has been co-opted to mean so many things and used so often to manipulate.
Here is the most useful definition of love:
Love is caring about the other person’s experience as much as you do your own. It’s an in-the-moment phenomenon and it has to be practiced over and over in order to keep the muscle strong and the experience of LOVE alive!
Have you ever wondered why love fades? Why it can be so good in the beginning and then be SO NOT GOOD?
It’s because we stop practicing love, as a verb. And we don’t even realize it. We only focus on what the other person isn’t providing or maybe even what’s wrong with ourselves and we miss the obvious missing piece, right in front of our faces.
WE STOPPED DOING THE WORK.
In the beginning of a relationship it’s natural to care about the other person’s experience. To shave in special places, to make yourself smell good, to do special favors or plan surprises. This is how we woo each other and fall in love. The couples that continue to actively care and design those kinds of things, stay in love.
Think about how you like to behave and what you like to do to care for your partner early on in a relationship. Have you stopped doing those things? If so, what excuses do you use? I blamed my age, my job, my kids, my partner and even time itself. We are always ready with excuses and yet we so deeply want to feel loved, and make it last.
Take the Love-o-meter Quiz! It’s another chance to self-assess. If you’re in a relationship you can assess how you are doing as a LOVER. If not, you can assess your last relationship. I can’t wait to hear about your results. Please join the LOVE-IN Community and share!
The irony is that most of us stop doing the things that make relationships great, when it’s still GOING GREAT, and then we forget that we chose to stop those practices. Would it make sense to stop working out once you got the muscle tone you wanted. NO. But it takes awhile for the muscles to fade, so we forget the actual cause!
Bad news: you have a lot to do with it when love “fades.”
Good news: there are some simple ways to get the good feels back, quickly! In fact..I have a list for you. Check out the Love-o-meter Quiz!
If you need extra support getting the good vibes back, join the LOVE-IN Community.
In next week’s newsletter I will convince you YOU HAVE NOT tried EVERYTHING! I will give you a new way to think about your relationship that will inspire you to go back in 100%. Be there and bring friends.
