Testing the Dating Waters: 6 Red Flags to Watch Out For During the First Three Dates
Do you ever get so excited to finally find someone decent to date that you let your guard down and excuse or disregard RED FLAGS??
Especially if you have been hurt before, it is time to throw down the gauntlet and make new rules for yourself. Sorry, but just like if you were training a dog or a kid, you have to:
⭐ start as you mean to go on
⭐ be unwavering, even if you have to pretend to be sure at first
⭐ be consistent, always follow your own rules for when to abort the mission
So, it’s time to call certain red flags deal breakers for you. And when they show themselves:
⭐ don’t deny it
⭐ don’t make excuses
⭐ abort the mission
Here’s a good list to start with:
SELF-CENTERED: They talk only about themselves and ask nothing about you. Not cool. Give kind and gentle feedback once or twice but if you see no change, abort the mission!
UNAVAILABLE FOR LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: They say they are looking for something casual, just having fun, just got out of a long term relationship. If they say it, believe them and abort the mission if you are looking for something serious!
CONSISTENT UNRELIABILITY: They consistently change or miss plans, don’t respond, or leave you hanging in any way. It’s just a sign they are not that into you or not available-either way, abort the mission!
EXCESSIVE NEGATIVITY: If they are clearly not resolved or healthy about a past relationship in their family or love history, they are not available. It’s not your job to make someone heal or be happy. They have to do it for themselves. See the coaching above.
LOVE BOMBING: They come on too strong or too much too soon. Assuming familiarity and intimacy without putting in the hours is a red flag. You will not need to rush with “the one.” You can try once to make a boundary, but if you see no change, abort the mission.
LYING/AVOIDING: You get 3 dates to go deep and get all your questions answered; if they don’t want to, they aren’t looking for something serious, aren’t available, or just aren’t that into you. Abort the mission.
It is hard to be accountable in dating. It can be isolating and lonely, especially if your friends are in different places right now when it comes to love and dating.
Tired of Ignoring Red Flags? Let’s Set New Standards
If you've been getting attached too quickly—or excusing bad behavior—my free webinar will teach you how to spot red flags early and date with clear, powerful boundaries.
✅ Learn the top red flags to never ignore on the first three dates
✅ Get scripts for calling out bad behavior with grace
✅ Feel confident walking away from what doesn’t serve you
Frequently Asked Questions about Red Flags in Early Dating
1. What if they talk too much about themselves, but seem nervous?
Nerves are natural—but if they’re truly interested, they’ll make space to get to know you, too. If it continues after gentle feedback, it’s a sign they’re not emotionally available. Don’t waste your time.
2. How do I know the difference between love bombing and genuine enthusiasm?
Love bombing feels overwhelming, not earned. Real interest builds slowly with mutual curiosity and respect. If it feels like too much too soon—and they ignore your boundaries—it’s a red flag.
3. Can I give someone more than three dates to open up?
Only if you’re getting clear signs that they’re emotionally available and responsive. But if they dodge questions, go vague, or avoid talking about the future, they’re likely not serious.
4. What if they’re going through something tough—should I be patient?
Empathy is great, but early dating is about vetting for compatibility. If someone is stuck in negativity or not ready for love, it’s not your job to fix them. Let them heal on their own time.
5. I always talk myself out of walking away. How do I stick to my standards?
Write down your dealbreakers and keep them handy. Then, follow through. Pretend you’re coaching your best friend—what would you tell her to do? You deserve better, and boundaries are how you claim it.
