Testing the Dating Waters: 6 Red Flags to Watch Out For During the First Three Dates
Do you ever get so excited to finally find someone decent to date that you let your guard down and excuse or disregard RED FLAGS??
Especially if you have been hurt before, it is time to throw down the gauntlet and make new rules for yourself. Sorry, but just like if you were training a dog or a kid, you have to:
⭐ start as you mean to go on
⭐ be unwavering, even if you have to pretend to be sure at first
⭐ be consistent, always follow your own rules for when to abort the mission
So, it’s time to call certain red flags deal breakers for you. And when they show themselves:
⭐ don’t deny it
⭐ don’t make excuses
⭐ abort the mission
Here’s a good list to start with:
SELF-CENTERED: They talk only about themselves and ask nothing about you. Not cool. Give kind and gentle feedback once or twice but if you see no change, abort the mission!
UNAVAILABLE FOR LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: They say they are looking for something casual, just having fun, just got out of a long term relationship. If they say it, believe them and abort the mission if you are looking for something serious!
CONSISTENT UNRELIABILITY: They consistently change or miss plans, don’t respond, or leave you hanging in any way. It’s just a sign they are not that into you or not available-either way, abort the mission!
EXCESSIVE NEGATIVITY: If they are clearly not resolved or healthy about a past relationship in their family or love history, they are not available. It’s not your job to make someone heal or be happy. They have to do it for themselves. See the coaching above.
LOVE BOMBING: They come on too strong or too much too soon. Assuming familiarity and intimacy without putting in the hours is a red flag. You will not need to rush with “the one.” You can try once to make a boundary, but if you see no change, abort the mission.
LYING/AVOIDING: You get 3 dates to go deep and get all your questions answered; if they don’t want to, they aren’t looking for something serious, aren’t available, or just aren’t that into you. Abort the mission.
It is hard to be accountable in dating. It can be isolating and lonely, especially if your friends are in different places right now when it comes to love and dating.
