Father’s Day Re-Imagined
June 19, 2022
I am writing to people with fathers or without fathers.
Imagine the father you wish you’d had. What’s he like? What traits does he have? How does he talk to you, think about you, behold you?
I am asking you to use your beautiful human imagination and conjure the best of fatherhood, for you, and then feel into it. What is it like?
I am not saying this to upset you, or malign your father.
In fact, maybe your father embodies the very traits you are imagining… and if so, what a beautiful thing! Acknowledge this and be grateful.
For everyone else, ask yourself who provides these characteristics in your life. For some of us it’s a stepfather, uncle, grandfather, friend or public figure. It could even be someone deceased or imaginary.
Today is a day to be present to them on purpose, acknowledge and thank them.
Now, how have you provided the ideal characteristics of a father to others? I bet you have. Stop, pause, acknowledge yourself. Be grateful to you. You are part of a cosmic give and take, a flow that seeks balance and love.
At the same time, acknowledge that society has and is fucking over women, big time. Society is also fucking over men. If your father came from a war-torn place, poverty, violence or famine, they are likely even more fucked. And yet you are here, due to their fathering.
Let’s liberate our actual father from the expectations we barely fulfill ourselves. Let’s liberate them from comparison to what we wish we had, or what we think our friends had, and this Father’s Day, get to know your father, or father figure. Who are they? What did they go through?
Seek to understand before being understood. After all, you are the next generation. Think of it like iPhone versions. Of course, you are more advanced, more emotionally intelligent; you have the benefits of societal evolution and resources that weren’t available to them. It’s your job to show the generation before you how it’s done. Want more listening, more understanding? Give it, this Father’s Day.
Let’s reclaim the holiday. Let’s design it to honor what fatherhood could be and to celebrate the elements in our life. Let’s honor and thank those who’ve been fatherly to us, by learning more about who they are.
Think for yourself…
Hallmark doesn’t own you.
Jealousy doesn’t own you.
Regret doesn’t own you.
The past doesn’t own you.
Your father’s failures don’t own you.
You can reclaim anything you want, and holidays are a great time to do it.
Want to Redesign How You Relate to the Past—and the People in It?
Whether you’re navigating complex feelings about your father or reclaiming your own role as a nurturer, it all starts with conscious design. If you're ready to break generational patterns and build deeper love in your current relationships, join me for my free webinar: “3 Secrets to Finding and Maintaining Healthy Love.”
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Love,
Frequently Asked Questions about Reimagining Fatherhood
What if imagining an ideal father brings up a lot of pain?
That’s a natural response. Grief, longing, or anger often surface when we reflect on what we didn’t receive. Let those feelings come, then gently redirect to asking: What do I need now? and How can I give that to myself or others today?
Isn’t it disrespectful to imagine a better father than the one I had?
Not at all. This isn’t about erasing or replacing—it’s about accessing healing, clarity, and power. You can honor your real father and acknowledge your unmet needs. It’s an act of maturity and self-care, not betrayal.
What if I don’t have anyone who shows up for me in a “fatherly” way?
That’s even more reason to practice imagining. Your mind can begin to rewire how you relate to love and support by visualizing it. You can also identify those who could fill parts of that role—friends, mentors, even yourself.
Why focus on forgiving or understanding my father when I still feel hurt?
Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing harm. It means releasing yourself from the burden of resentment. Understanding your father’s limitations might not heal everything, but it can soften the edges and free up your energy for creating love now.
How does this exercise help my romantic relationship?
Your relationship with your father—or father figures—can shape your beliefs about love, safety, and worth. Reimagining fatherhood can help you shift outdated patterns and show up with more compassion, clarity, and intention in your current relationships.