Are you Addicted to A Person? 🤔 Use this Free 6-Step Detox To Believe in Love Again, Now.
Sometimes your inability to get over someone reaches the level of an addiction, which means you feel like you have no control over what your head is busy thinking about.
How do you know you’re addicted?
If you know it’s wrong to keep thinking the thoughts, stalking, pining for days or years for a lost love, or you keep taking crazy actions and you don’t think you have the power to stop it. Or you keep going back to something that is bad for you–that’s addiction.
Addiction is defined by the negative impact it has on other areas of your life as well. Other areas of your life are probably on hold.
If you can’t “get over” someone it can be very debilitating to your life in general.
If you know you or someone you love needs a detox, read on.
Detoxing from a person is really no different than detoxing from alcohol or drugs.. There are 12-step programs for this, but The Handel Method™ also does something for our clients called “The Love Detox.”
Here are the 6 Elements of The Love Detox:
Admit you have a problem.
Clear the space.
Set a time limit for no communication.
Get support: of your community and a “sponsor.”
Hear your inner dialogue and master it. Report daily.
Step up your self-care/love.
Let me explain each step….
1) Admit you have a problem: It’s profound to admit powerlessness, and it’s the first step of knowing you need help and “a program.” Surrender and admit this and then the other steps are possible, just like in 12-step programs.
2) Clear the space: You must clear your home/apartment of all things that trigger you. Their things they gave you, AND anything sentimental that reminds you of them. Even gifts. Get rid of the hangover, it will be okay.
A burning ceremony outside can be fabulous (think bonfire or trashcan fire, get creative, but be safe). On the other hand if there are things of value or you just can’t destroy or give back– put them in a box stored somewhere far away from your daily life (think attic or storage facility and make sure you put a note in the box about why it’s not good for you.) If your kids or grandkids find it someday, let it be a lesson to them!
3) Stop communicating: Continuing to communicate with an ex you’re detoxing is like continuing to go to the bar for a sober person. You can survive it, but it’s not good for you or your recovery. If you can’t say “no communication ever again,” set an amount of time (30 days, 6 months etc.) If your ex doesn’t respect your need to heal and breaches the agreement to stop communication- that’s more proof of why you are not right together.
You need to get them out of your system–it’s chemical. It’s like detoxing from sugar, after a while it doesn’t hurt as much. The first days are the worst. Every time you go back though, it makes the process longer and more painful. Every day you stay sober it gets easier.
4) Tell everyone: You’re going to need your community around you to support you as you let go. You need buddies to keep you busy, distracted and remembering your worth. One person should be your “sponsor”-someone you can bother anytime, like that moment of weakness when you want to call the ex. Your sponsor helps you stick to the rules you’ve set and talks to you when you’re jonesing. You have a very important mission during the detox and your loved ones have an important support job to do. A team, playdates and diversions, these set you up to win.
5) Study your inner dialogue: Your inner dialogue will not be your friend while you are detoxing. You will have memories and “why” or “what if” conversations with yourself on a loop. You will pine. You will harp. Bad news, these loops will feel uncontrollable at first. Good news, if you listen closely there are only a few different (very repetitive) loops.
I recommend you check in with your sponsor throughout the day tracking the loops until you have their number and then practice taking back over your mind. The detox will feel hard, mentally and emotionally, you’re supposed to feel bad as toxicity leaves your body -that is the nature of a detox. The other nature is that you feel so much better once it’s out! One day soon you will wake up and not have to battle mad and sad thought loops.
6) Step up self-care/self love: Since you will be feeling like crap it’s a great time to do extra good feeling stuff for yourself: Over-eating, drinking, sleeping, shopping might seem like the obvious choice but don’t be a cliché! Go the opposite way!
Eating healthy, staying hydrated, exercise and beauty routines make the detox easier. Get a haircut, clutter-clear your home, take a vacation. Taking on your personal well-being makes you feel better, period. Baby steps will do. Treat yourself how you want to be treated by others. Have a sense of humor--do things that are fun and most important, impress yourself with who you ARE, regardless of any companion!
Think of who this new you could attract? A much higher caliber person!
I define a hero as: Someone who believes in something and fights for something and risks failure in honor of that dream.
You dream of the right kind of love for you and I SALUTE YOU! I look forward to being by your side on your quest and thank you for reading this far. I hope you never need these steps but if you, or someone you love does, please share!
And lastly, don’t stop believing!
