Discovering Invisible Labor In Couples And What To Do About It
One of the top 3 things couples fight about is: division of labor in the household!
Successful couples uncover invisible labor, and acknowledge and appreciate it--and might choose to change some of the assigned responsibilities.
There’s the obvious labor in a household, like who does the dishes and laundry; and then there’s the less visible stuff.
Whether it’s caring for the safety of the family, being responsible for the finances, doing all the driving, handling the spiritual needs of the family, or being the point person for the emotional needs of the kids or other family members…people are doing labor far beyond the daily chores.
When invisible labor goes unnoticed or unappreciated, resentment builds.
In successful couples, each person purposely recognizes and gives gratitude for the other’s contributions.
Do this exercise:
Make a list of everything you feel responsible for in the household
Take a guess-make a list of everything the other person is responsible for (if you have lots of roommates, rinse and repeat).
Show the other person the list and ask if they agree that the division of labor is true. Or did you miss anything (remember, something could be invisible to you!)
Ask if they think it is fair. Ask what they would change if they could. Then….
Tell the truth about what you’d like to be thanked for or what you’d like to offload to the other person or to a kid, friend, hired help.
Yes, making sure you do this kind of personal growth work for your relationship is also invisible labor, put it on the list and pat yourself on the back!