Is the Division of Labor Fair in Your Household? 🙋‍♀️

I’ll be frank, the patriarchy is really getting on my nerves. There are other battle cries I could sound right now, but given Labor Day tomorrow, this is the one that’s bothering me. 


Too much of the work falls to women. Period.

Woman saying smash the patriarchy

I have heard the complaint over and over from my clients, and I also know the data. (Google tells me over 76% of worldwide household work is being done by women and I want to cry). And sadly it’s not because a tradeoff is happening. Women are surpassing men in everything else too-academics, success in business, even athletics.

If you are reading this and you know things are not fair in your household, I want you to do something to change it. It’s not just good for the women in the household: Justice is literally good for EVERYONE in the household.

Sometimes you just have to be able to see it in black and white.
 

So…

  1. Make a chart of all the household/family duties, including all the chores of course, making money and caring for the emotional needs of children, elders and pets. 

  2. Make a column for everyone in the household and put a check to indicate who is responsible for what.

  3. Notice how unfair it is.

  4. Negotiate solutions.


Sometimes a simple request will work, and you can switch your duty to someone else. Sometimes more creative solutions will be necessary, or the family can decide to let the thing go altogether if the primary laborer is simply too taxed.

It’s time to get honest with yourself, and your loved ones, if you are doing too much. Everyone’s happiness in the household depends upon it!
 

Woman saying happy wife, happy life

For more on how to complain productively, check out this blog: How to Be Successful at the Bandaid Trade

Here are some tips for positioning negative feedback so it can be heard.


Here is info on how to set your hard conversations up for success!
 

Finally, here are some tips on how to listen

Ready to Rebalance the Load at Home?

If you’re tired of feeling overburdened and underappreciated, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck. Learn how to speak up, set boundaries, and renegotiate responsibilities in your relationships with clarity and confidence. Join me for my free webinar: “3 Secrets to Finding and Maintaining Healthy Love.”

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Frequently Asked Questions about Fair Division of Labor

How do I bring this up without sounding like I’m just complaining?

Start with the chart. It gives you a visual, neutral starting point. Then express your desire for fairness and well-being for everyone—not just yourself. That reframes the conversation as a shared solution, not a personal attack.

What if my partner gets defensive when I talk about this?

That’s common. Defensiveness often comes from shame or fear. Stay calm, share your own feelings and experiences, and keep the tone collaborative. If needed, schedule a time to talk instead of springing it on them in the moment.

How can we make changes if neither of us has extra time or energy?

You may need to simplify, outsource, or renegotiate expectations. Often, one person is carrying a heavier load mentally or emotionally—and redistributing that can create more bandwidth for both of you.

What if I’ve tried this before and nothing changed?

It might be time to get support. Patterns are hard to break alone. Consider working with a coach or counselor, and revisit the conversation with a clearer structure and stronger follow-through.

Is it bad that I resent my partner over this?

No—it’s human. Resentment is just a signal that something needs to change. Don’t let it fester. Use it as motivation to get honest, have a hard conversation, and work toward something that feels good for both of you.

 
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