How to Tell if a Man is Ready for Long-Term Commitment
(A version of this blog was previously published on Sixty and Me)
One of the biggest reasons women grow tired of online dating is simple: it can feel like a waste of time.
Based on years of work as a dating coach, I can tell you this: only a portion of the people on dating apps are genuinely ready for a committed relationship or a long-term partnership. Many say they want a serious relationship, but their behavior tells a very different story.
The men who are upfront about wanting something casual or exploratory are not the problem. They’re honest about their level of commitment, and that clarity is actually a good thing.
The problem is the men who believe they are ready for a long-term relationship, present themselves that way, and yet are not emotionally or practically available. Those men sneak into the hearts of unsuspecting women too often, and they’re the ones most likely to drain your energy or make you want to give up altogether.
Here are four common types of men you’re likely to encounter when dating online, and how to recognize what you’re really dealing with.
1. The Uncommitted Man
These men are looking for companionship, good times, and physical connection, but not a committed romantic relationship.
They often show genuine interest at first. They text, share about their daily life, plan dates, and may even create a sense of emotional connection early on by asking lots of questions and keeping the banter going.
But when conversations turn to future plans, blending lives, or taking the next step, things get vague. Communication becomes inconsistent. Commitment stalls. Sometimes they even just disappear, aka ghosting.
There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to date casually. After divorce, grief, or long stretches in unhappy romantic relationships, taking time to explore and reconnect with yourself (vs getting serious with someone else) can be very healthy. I even recommend it.
The bottom line is honesty. If someone knows they are not ready for a serious relationship, the best way to date is to be transparent about that upfront--that means in your profile or in early texting, or at the latest on a first video or live date. A man who strings you along for several dates without revealing this is wasting your time if you're looking for something serious. But, you're not innocent either, if you're not asking!
"What are you looking for in dating right now?" That's the question that must be asked in the first 3 dates to determine if you're looking for the same thing. But I recommend asking as early as possible to rule out men who already know they aren't ready for something serious. And listen closely to their answer! Anything other than a variation of "I am looking for my person" means they are NOT!
Also, quick word to the wise, unless you've had an explicit conversation with the person you're dating, assume they ARE seeing other people.
2. The “I Think I’m Ready” Man
This man genuinely wants a new relationship and may even say he’s ready for a life partner, but his inner world tells another story.
You may notice frequent references to past relationships, unresolved emotions tied to an ex, or lingering attachment that shows up as repeated contact. Sometimes he’s navigating a health issue, grief, or family members who require intense emotional investment. His heart is pulled in too many directions.
He may enjoy time with you and feel comforted by the connection, but he cannot offer the level of emotional availability required for a healthy relationship right now.
If you find yourself dating someone like this and you want a long-term partnership, please let them go. If the timing is right later and the emotional work is done, reconnecting can happen. Until then, staying involved just pushes your ultimate dream off longer and longer.
3. The Man Who Uses Dating as Therapy
Loneliness can drive people to overshare quickly. This type of man may open up deeply about past experiences, pain, regrets, or struggles very early in the dating relationship.
While emotional openness is important in intimate relationships, there is a difference between building closeness and turning a potential partner into an unpaid therapist. When emotional investment flows in only one direction, it’s a strong indicator that something is off.
If he benefits from your attention, insight, and care, but does not show the same curiosity about your inner world, your needs, or your life, pay close attention. That imbalance is often a sign that your relationship goals are too different.
Most men do this unwittingly and may even think they are building a long-term relationship with you. Successful couples sometimes provide important listening and healing for each other. Nonetheless, it's a real red flag if someone is relying on you emotionally too much, too soon, in early dating. A good sign is if emotional sharing is balanced well with listening to you and regular fun.
4. The Man Ready for a Long-Term Commitment
These men do exist.
A man who is ready for a long-term relationship shows it consistently, not just in words. Some strong indicators include:
He can reflect on past relationships without blame and share what he learned from them
He is capable of emotional connection without too much intensity or drama
No unresolved romantic ties are lingering in the background
His time, attention, and energy are available consistently, even if he has a busy schedule
His language reflects a genuine interest in a committed relationship and future planning
He is willing to talk about real-life logistics and how your lives might blend—time, money, health, communication, daily life, family dynamics, and emotional needs
The Bottom Line
Whether you’re single, dating, or sorting through multiple potential partners, recognizing these "types" early can save you a lot of heartache.
A good thing to remember is that when both parties are ready for a committed relationship, the path forward feels relatively easy and exciting. In other words, too much friction is a bad sign.
If you find yourself repeatedly attracting men who are not ready for the next step, that’s often a sign it’s time to pause, reflect, and get support around dating patterns and expectations.
Check this out:
If this resonates, I’d love to hear which patterns you’ve noticed most often in your own dating life. Send me a note.
Frequently Asked Questions about Men and Long-Term Commitment
How can I tell early on if a man is ready for a committed relationship?
Pay close attention to consistency. A man who is ready for a committed relationship shows steady interest, follows through on plans, and is willing to talk about future plans without deflecting or joking it away. His behavior aligns with his words over time, not just during the exciting early phase.
Is it a red flag if he talks a lot about his past relationships?
Talking about past relationships isn’t automatically a red flag. It becomes one when the conversation feels unresolved, emotionally charged, or repetitive. If he seems stuck in the past or compares you to an ex, that often signals he may not be ready for a new relationship or the next level of emotional investment.
Can a casual dating relationship turn into a long-term partnership?
Sometimes, but it depends on timing and honesty. If both people are clear that they are exploring and later decide they want the same thing, it can evolve. Problems arise when one person is hoping for a long-term relationship while the other is enjoying good times without the intention to move toward commitment.
What’s the clearest sign a man wants a serious relationship with me?
A clear sign is that he integrates you into his daily life over time. This can include introducing you to family members or friends, making room in a busy schedule, and having meaningful conversations about how you fit into each other’s lives long term. These actions usually indicate genuine interest and a desire for a deeper connection.
What should I do if I keep meeting men who aren’t ready for commitment?
If this pattern keeps showing up, it can be helpful to pause and reflect rather than push harder. Look at where you’re meeting new partners, how early you’re assessing the level of commitment, and whether you’re overlooking early signals. Working with a dating coach or intentionally slowing the process can be the best way to reset and attract someone who is ready for a healthy, long-term relationship.