How (Not) To Use AI For Your Dating Profiles
I had a small breakdown recently. Not a dramatic one. Don't worry. But I was struggling.
A client sent me his dating app profile, and the second I read it, I knew. ChatGPT wrote it. Not him. And something in me cracked.
Dating apps are already a dehumanizing place for single people. We are swiping through strangers, sending first messages into the void, squeezing our entire personality into 3 one-line prompts. And now we are outsourcing the last truly human part of the whole process: how we show up to potential partners.
I am not okay with this. And after talking it through with Evan Marc Katz in the Season 1 finale of Love at Any Age, I am even more convinced we need to push back.
As two seasoned dating coaches, we covered the use of AI on dating apps, how to write a dating app profile that actually sounds like you, and what true compatibility really means.
Spoiler: it is not what you think.
Dating App Companies Already Stripped Out What Worked
Before artificial intelligence entered the picture, dating app companies were already doing damage. The old online dating app model had you writing essays, exchanging real emails, and having phone calls before meeting anyone in real life.
It rewarded effort and created actual courtship.
Then apps removed all that friction. Now we have Hinge, Bumble, a handful of photos, and prompts that shrink small talk to a few characters. Single people text total strangers into coffee dates that go nowhere. And because everything is free(ish) and frictionless, we feel disposable. Because in that system, we are.
Dating app companies built this problem. AI features are not fixing it.
When an AI Chatbot Writes Your Dating App Profile, Everyone Loses
Here is the hard truth about ChatGPT use in dating profiles. If you were a C writer before, AI gives you a B. Better, yes. But not an A, and not you.
Evan pointed out that most people already sound identical in their dating profilesbefore AI gets involved. Smart, kind, funny, loves hiking, movies, travel, best friend, lover, and partner in crime. That describes you, me, your daughter, and my mother. Feed that generic list into a large language model, and what comes out? A polished version of the exact same list everyone else is posting.
The best dating app profiles are ones no one else in the world could have written. AI tools produce the average. You need to produce the one of a kind.
And when an AI chatbot writes your dating app profile, then an AI wingman handles your opening lines and first message, and AI features manage your small talk, what genuine connection is actually forming? It is 2 algorithms flirting while 2 real people watch from the sidelines.
The Dating App Profile Formula That Actually Gets Responses
Stop writing your bio, your resume, your diary entry. Nobody reading your dating app profile cares about your master's degree or your 40 countries. What they care about is this: how will I feel with you?
Here is the actual formula:
✅ Choose 5 or 6 adjectives that describe you as a partner specifically, not as a person in general.
✅ Do not use those adjectives in your dating profiles. Use them as inspiration for a story.
✅ For each adjective, write 1 short story showing how that quality showed up for someone you were actually with.
✅ Write every word for your reader. If you are a straight woman writing for men, speak to what a man will feel and get from being with you.
✅ Make it so specific that no one else in the world could copy it.
Evan's example: his wife is intelligent. Not because of her credentials, but because she made him a color-coded Excel spreadsheet for his fantasy football draft. That is how her intelligence benefits him as a partner. Show, do not tell. Demonstrate, do not declare.
Why an AI Wingman Cannot Replace the Early Stages of Dating
Dating app companies want you to believe AI technology will find you better matches faster. But Evan made a distinction I want you to sit with. These tools are quicker. They are not more effective.
The early stages of dating, the real text message exchange, the first phone call, the first date, that friction is not a bug in the process. It is the process. It is how 2 people figure out in real life whether they actually like each other. Letting an AI wingman ghost-write your first message and opening lines replaces connection with a performance of connection. There are also real privacy implications to handing over your personal data to AI tools that most people do not stop to consider.
Research supports this. A landmark study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that while couples who met online reported strong marriages, that outcome depends on the authenticity of early-stage interaction. Manufactured first impressions do not hold.
Watch Episode 12 with Evan Marc Katz
There is something Evan said in this conversation that I left out of this article on purpose. It is about what true compatibility actually is, and why the way most single people define it may be the single biggest reason they are still single.
Most people chase compatibility that looks like "someone like me." Same background, same interests, same sense of humor. That instinct feels completely logical. But Evan laid out a specific framework, backed by personality science, that shows why that instinct might be working directly against you. It also reframes the mental health toll of dating when you are spending years chasing the wrong thing entirely.
You'll hear it explained fully in the episode here:
If you are dating over 50 and you want real tools for the dating scene, come to my free workshop, 3 Secrets to Finding and Maintaining Healthy Love: www.lauriegerber.com/webinar
Frequently Asked Questions about AI and Dating App Profiles
Is it okay to use AI to help write my dating app profile?
Using AI tools to clean up grammar is understandable, but outsourcing your entire dating app profile to an AI chatbot means what potential partners read is not actually you. The best profiles are ones only you could have written, built around specific stories that show how you show up for a partner.
Why do so many dating app profiles sound exactly the same?
Most single people default to the same list of adjectives and hobbies: smart, funny, kind, loves travel, and while those things may be true, they are generic. AI features make this worse by producing a polished version of the same average profile that everyone else is already posting.
Should I use an AI wingman for my opening lines and first message?
An AI wingman might generate a decent first message, but when both people use AI features for small talk and opening lines, there is no real exchange happening. A genuine connection requires 2 humans figuring out, through their own words, whether they actually like each other.
What do dating app companies gain from pushing AI technology?
Dating app companies roll out AI features because it keeps users on the platform, not necessarily because it leads to better matches in real life. As Evan noted, businesses tend to seek out evidence that validates what they already want to believe about their own product.
What actually predicts a happy, lasting relationship?
Research suggests that the things we believe predict compatibility, shared hobbies, similar backgrounds, and mutual interests often have little correlation with long-term satisfaction. One of the strongest predictors is actually how happy and stable you were as an individual before the relationship began.
Love,
