Last week, I told you I’d explain how my sense of priorities in relationship changed over the course of coaching. I had to reexamine my values because what I was valuing when I came to coaching wasn’t giving me the relationship I really wanted.

My values when I started coaching:

Fidelity
Equality
Support (mostly him of me 😉)
Showing Up and Keeping Commitments
Respect (mostly him of me)
Being A Good Parent

Universal Values?

As promised, I’ll tell you the MOST POPULAR values I see listed by my clients:

Trust
Loyalty
Care

If you didn’t do the exercise last week, here’s your chance to do it now. All the steps are in last week’s blog. If you are having trouble brainstorming ideas for values, here are some other popular choices to get your juices flowing, but please make up your own:

Honesty
Selflessness
Friendship

Love
Faithfulness
Compassion
Sex/Chemistry

Unconditional Love
Being There/Showing Up
Support
Intimacy

Growth
Raising children

Doing the Work

Doing the work to understand what’s going on behind the scenes: uncovering your hidden theories and unexamined philosophies, and letting them see the light of day, is the beginning of getting present to--and negotiating what you really want in--your relationship.

I recommend you approach these self-reflection exercises in the spirit of learning and fun, with the excitement that you’ll likely learn something new about yourself and your mate, and achieve an altogether different level of partnership, intimacy, and effectiveness.

The Worst That Can Happen

The very worst thing that can happen is that you find that your deep down values really don’t line up like you thought or wished they would. It’s my belief that on some level you already knew and felt that, but didn’t want to admit it. We know how to get you to deal with things. Here is the step by step process in a nutshell:

Write it down
Quantify it (by putting your list in order)
Tell the truth about it to your mate.

That’s what I had to do and as a result much juicy conversation unfolded and new dreams began to emerge. This is the “after” picture:

My values for my partnership upon reflection:

Care/Support
Listening
Honesty
Passion
Co-Dreaming
Cooperation/Teamwork
Loyalty

Many new ideas, and a new order of priority. This would have never been possible for me without a coach, and it’s part of why I so highly recommend private or group coaching. Please find out if it's right for you with a free consultation.

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In the meantime, come get a LIVE dose of LOVE coaching for free. Click below to learn about my free Valentine’s Day event next week.