Do You Have Integrity in Love? It's Urgent You Analyze These 3 Things!

I bet you’ve asked yourself if you have integrity before. Maybe you were dismayed by a politician's behavior, and you thought, “I would never do that!” 

Have you ever asked yourself if you have integrity when it comes to love?

Most people don’t think of integrity the way the Handel Group lays it out. The Handel Method™ teaches that there are 3 levels or forms of integrity.

• Physical

• Emotional 

• Spiritual

Physical integrity would mean you take the right actions to honor your ideals in love. If you believe in paying attention to your mate, you go on dates with them. If you believe in fidelity, you don’t cheat. If you believe all should orgasm, you see to it. Physical integrity means you do what you said you’d do, in accordance with your ideals.

Emotional integrity has to do with how the relationship feels. You can go through the motions of going out on a “date night,” having sex, negotiating household chores, but hate every minute. Your heart just isn’t in it. Couples often suffer a lack of emotional integrity when too many hurts have built up and not been resolved,so even though the right actions might still be happening, the connection is not there.

Spiritual integrityis invisible–it has to do with your beliefs. When your beliefs and philosophies align with each other and with your practice, the relationship has spiritual integrity. Often couples come to me to sort out deep disagreements over belief systems that have become irreconcilable. For example, one person wants to put religion first, or expand the family, and the other one doesn’t want it. The other common situation is couples that agree philosophically, but aren’t living true to their beliefs. For example, they may believe and assert “family first”, but one or both members of the couple is putting career first in actuality.

The concept of being in integrity, or alignment, in these 3 ways, is at the heart of the many other ideas, skills, and tips I’ll be laying out in this newsletter over the next year. So it’s important that you do a sober assessment of yourself in your relationship. Where are you strong, and what needs work?

Ready to dig a little deeper on each?

1) SPIRITUAL: To understand if you and your partner philosophically agree, go to Jan 18’s blog about values in the relationship and do the exercise with your mate. If that was fun, dig into the areas mentioned in #2 of the exercise and ask each other what’s most important in each area. See how well you two agree philosophically about what’s important. 
 

2) EMOTIONAL: Every couple has unresolved hurts from the past which affect the day to day quality of the relationship. In a calm and private moment, ask your mate: is there anything for which you have not forgiven me? Anything on which you wish I would work? This will give you the beginning of that (surmountable) list of things to address.
 

3) PHYSICAL: Do the inventory mentioned in the Dec 14 blog, and the Love-o-meter Quiz, to see how you are DOING as a mate. You may have stopped doing the things that keep it good!

It’s simple and logical, but not easy.

Most couples hope to avoid doing the work, to be in real alignment with their own values and each other. We’re trained by Hollywood to think that if you’re with the right person, it just happens. But THAT’S NOT TRUE!
 

Great relationships take work, and this is the work.

When it comes to your mate:

I want you to… 

• Know what each of you thinks

• Feel connected

• Be able to negotiate maturely so you feel like a power couple

• And do what you said you would do!

Yes, all that, for best results!