Do You Have Integrity in Love? It's Urgent You Analyze These 3 Things!
I bet you’ve asked yourself if you have integrity before. Maybe you were dismayed by a politician's behavior, and you thought, “I would never do that!”
Have you ever asked yourself if you have integrity when it comes to love?
Most people don’t think of integrity the way the Handel Group lays it out. The Handel Method™ teaches that there are 3 levels or forms of integrity.
Physical
Emotional
Spiritual
Physical integrity would mean you take the right actions to honor your ideals in love. If you believe in paying attention to your mate, you go on dates with them. If you believe in fidelity, you don’t cheat. If you believe all should orgasm, you see to it. Physical integrity means you do what you said you’d do, in accordance with your ideals.
Emotional integrity has to do with how the relationship feels. You can go through the motions of going out on a “date night,” having sex, negotiating household chores, but hate every minute. Your heart just isn’t in it. Couples often suffer a lack of emotional integrity when too many hurts have built up and not been resolved,so even though the right actions might still be happening, the connection is not there.
Spiritual integrityis invisible–it has to do with your beliefs. When your beliefs and philosophies align with each other and with your practice, the relationship has spiritual integrity. Often couples come to me to sort out deep disagreements over belief systems that have become irreconcilable. For example, one person wants to put religion first, or expand the family, and the other one doesn’t want it. The other common situation is couples that agree philosophically, but aren’t living true to their beliefs. For example, they may believe and assert “family first”, but one or both members of the couple is putting career first in actuality.
The concept of being in integrity, or alignment, in these 3 ways, is at the heart of the many other ideas, skills, and tips I’ll be laying out in this newsletter over the next year. So it’s important that you do a sober assessment of yourself in your relationship. Where are you strong, and what needs work?
Ready to dig a little deeper on each?
1) SPIRITUAL: To understand if you and your partner philosophically agree, go to Jan 18’s blog about values in the relationship and do the exercise with your mate. If that was fun, dig into the areas mentioned in #2 of the exercise and ask each other what’s most important in each area. See how well you two agree philosophically about what’s important.
2) EMOTIONAL: Every couple has unresolved hurts from the past which affect the day to day quality of the relationship. In a calm and private moment, ask your mate: is there anything for which you have not forgiven me? Anything on which you wish I would work? This will give you the beginning of that (surmountable) list of things to address.
3) PHYSICAL: Do the inventory mentioned in the Dec 14 blog, and the Love-o-meter Quiz, to see how you are DOING as a mate. You may have stopped doing the things that keep it good!
It’s simple and logical, but not easy.
Most couples hope to avoid doing the work, to be in real alignment with their own values and each other. We’re trained by Hollywood to think that if you’re with the right person, it just happens. But THAT’S NOT TRUE!
Great relationships take work, and this is the work.
When it comes to your mate:
I want you to…
Know what each of you thinks
Feel connected
Be able to negotiate maturely so you feel like a power couple
And do what you said you would do!
Yes, all that, for best results!
Want to align your values, actions, and connection in love?
Watch my free webinar, “3 Secrets to Finding and Maintaining Healthy Love,” and learn how to build physical, emotional, and spiritual integrity in your relationship—so you stop just going through the motions and start truly thriving.
Frequently Asked Questions about Integrity in Love
What does it mean to have “physical integrity” in a relationship?
It means doing what you say you value—whether it’s prioritizing time together, staying faithful, or taking care of your partner’s needs. It’s walking your talk with consistent, intentional actions.
How can I tell if we’re emotionally out of integrity?
If you’re going through the motions but feel disconnected, irritated, or resentful underneath, that’s a sign. Emotional integrity is about being honest with yourself and your partner about how it actually feels to be together.
Can we have different beliefs and still have spiritual integrity as a couple?
Yes, if those beliefs are acknowledged, respected, and don’t clash with how you live your lives. Conflict happens when there’s either unspoken disagreement or a gap between your shared values and your behavior.
What if my partner isn’t willing to do this kind of self-assessment?
Start by doing your own work and sharing what you discover without blame. Often, modeling clarity and vulnerability opens the door for your partner to reflect and engage more deeply over time.
Why does integrity matter so much in relationships?
Because integrity is the foundation of trust, connection, and lasting love. Without it, you end up feeling out of sync, unseen, or stuck. With it, you can feel proud, aligned, and like you’re truly on the same team.
