15 Excuses for Bad Relationships and Why They Are Actually Certified Crap 💩

Not everyone can afford private coaching, but everyone deserves somebody to help them debunk their favorite excuses about why relationships don’t work.

Allow me to debunk the most popular 15 excuses I hear, by category….

"I DON’T CARE" EXCUSE

It’s good enough, I should be grateful for what IS working.

DEBUNKING: Gratitude is awesome. Cultivate that. However if your heart is complaining repeatedly that something isn’t working, listen! It isn’t going to go away. Your head may not “care” but your heart does and it won’t shut up, so start listening and believing in better!

They aren’t trying, so why should I?

DEBUNKING: Many people feel it’s a failure to be the one who goes first, who leads. I’ve heard people say “if he loved me…he’d do XYZ” And, it just isn’t true. Trying looks different on different people. How your mate is handling their personal evolution or relationship improvements shouldn’t be nearly as concerning to you as how YOU ARE. However, if they are being abusive or neglectful after numerous loving attempts to address it, it’s time to go! (Stay and suffer is not an option!)

THE PASSIVE EXCUSE

It’s always like this for me, I have to make my peace.

DEBUNKING: The past does not predict the future. If it did, we would never make any technological or medical innovations. The point of being alive is to find new solutions and if your heart is asking for it, that’s spiritual. The desire is not likely to go away.

There is nothing I can do.

DEBUNKING: There is always something else you can try and action will always be inspiring to your soul. My comment to my clients who say they’ve tried everything, when they’ve tried 2 things is: If you have not tried 70 ways, you haven’t tried yet.

THE GENETIC EXCUSE

I just am this way, bad at love.

DEBUNKING: Science has proven you can alter your genetics with your behavior. We renew our actual cells all the time. Nothing is in stone, not even literal stone (matter is energy). We teach this at MIT.

They just are that way (fill in your complaint here).

DEBUNKING: See above but it is not your job to change others. It’s your job to inspire others by how sexy you make it look when you change yourself (see above.) Your other job is to tell the truth about what you really want and call the shot if you find you cannot get it.

THE VICTIM EXCUSE

They started it.

DEBUNKING: First of all, probably not entirely true. Secondly, it’s ok if they did, you can resolve it with the tools you learn here.

They’re worse.

DEBUNKING: More likely you are two peas in a pod. And even if they are worse, you chose them. If your heart is telling you to fix it, listen!

They will never change.

DEBUNKING: possibly true but you haven’t tried everything yet to clean up your side of the street.

My childhood/their childhood means success is impossible.

DEBUNKING: Your family and personal history for sure impact your beliefs and behaviors in relationships but these things can be evolved with the right work on yourself. You know people who have overcome traumas like yours, so you know it’s possible to, in honor of your lineage, break your lineage!

I’m too tired/busy.

DEBUNKING: You prioritize with your precious 24 hours a day what you think is most important. I am arguing LOVE is the most important thing and worth shifting something else to make room. Your kids will thank you.

THE "EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT" EXCUSE

All relationships suck, who’s nailin it?

DEBUNKING: Someone has got to lead the way. It’s easier with the right tools.

THE PAST PRECEDENT EXCUSE

It has never worked before, why would it work now?

DEBUNKING: Nothing impressive ever works right away. It takes testing and tweaking and learning! Just because we hate learning doesn't mean we don’t need it. Celebrate all you've learned from past failures rather than holding it against yourself. And now consciously build the case for why it truly is different this time!

THE "I'VE DONE ENOUGH" EXCUSE

I’ve tried everything.

DEBUNKING: That’s BS :)

I’m always the one who has to do everything, I quit.

DEBUNKING: You are not a victim, you are a hero. Get up, yes, again! If you made it this far reading, I know you are the one saving the day for yourself!

I am the Queen of Excuses! I hear you and I feel you! It's not that these excuses aren’t legit or factually accurate, it's just that they are not worth selling out your dream for LOVE over!! SO make this the last day you give any time and attention to your excuses.

If you were not convinced by my suggested alternative ways of thinking, I bet the community can help talk you into trying one more time.

Join the conversation on Instagram.

We’d love to talk you into believing whole-heartedly in LOVE!

Ready to Retire Your Excuses—For Good?

If you're tired of letting fear, fatigue, or “this is just how it is” thinking keep you from the love you deserve, it's time to take back the wheel. Join me for my free webinar: “3 Secrets to Finding and Maintaining Healthy Love.” You'll get the tools to ditch your excuses and finally go for the relationship you actually want.

👉 Watch now

Love,

Frequently Asked Questions about Letting Go of Relationship Excuses

What if my excuse is actually true—like they really are the problem?

It might be true and you still have a choice. Your power lies in what you do next—whether that’s addressing it directly, setting boundaries, or choosing to leave. Excuses keep you stuck; action moves you forward.

How do I know when to try again versus when to walk away?

Ask yourself: Have I told the whole truth? Have I shown up as the partner I want to be? If the answer is yes and it’s still not working—or it’s unsafe or chronically unfulfilling—it may be time to go. But let it be a clear-eyed decision, not an emotional escape.

I’ve tried to change before and always fall back—what’s different this time?

Change sticks when it’s designed intentionally, practiced consistently, and supported by accountability. That’s what I teach in my coaching. Willpower fades—design and community are what keep you going.

Isn’t it okay to just “settle” a little and be grateful?

Gratitude is powerful—but not when it’s used to silence your desires. If you’re deeply dissatisfied, gratitude alone won’t fulfill you. You’re allowed to want more, and you’re allowed to go get it.

How do I stop feeling like love is just too much work?

Love is work—but it’s work that nourishes your soul when you’re doing it with the right tools and the right person. What feels exhausting is usually ineffective effort. Learn how to lead with clarity and heart, and watch the energy shift.