These Excuses are Killing Your Relationship
Everyone makes excuses about their relationship. I know I did. My first round had to do with being better than most, then I blamed my partner and then finally resorted to believing I had tried everything.
There is nothing wrong with excuses except they obscure the truth.
One thing I’ve noticed in my 18 years of coaching couples is that people can be working VERY HARD to do better in their relationship, but if they are focused on the wrong stuff –it’s USELESS!
First you figure out what isn’t the problem, then you can figure out what is!
According to the Handel Method, the coaching methodology I teach, there are 8 brands of excuses that show up the most often. Here is the outline below:
The Don’t-Care Excuse. You convince yourself it's good enough, you aren’t suffering enough to put in the effort.
The Passive Excuse. It is what it is. It’s beyond your control.
The Genetic Excuse. You were born this way. They were born this way. It’s hardwired.
The Victim Excuse. Nothing’s your fault, you can’t help it. The kids or your schedule or your boss or your partner’s fault. You’re exhausted and overburdened.
The Everyone Else Excuse. Nobody else is still having sex after X years of marriage. The fizzle is okay because: that’s “normal.”
The Past-Precedent Excuse. You’ve never been able to make it great before. You’ve tried so many times. No relationship has worked out, no strategy has worked, why would things change now?
The How-Things-Are Excuse. What you want is not possible for you. Due to your childhood, there is very little chance for relationships going well for you.
The Done-Enough Excuse. Isn’t it ever enough? Isn’t parenting and working enough? Why is this (having a great relationship) your job too? Why do you always have to do the work. Geez.
Do any of these sound like what goes on in your head? Take a minute to jot down your favorites. And now I present to you the most popular I have heard from clients by category:
DON’T CARE
It’s good enough, I should be grateful for what IS working.
They aren’t trying, so why should I?
PASSIVE
It’s always like this for me, I have to make my peace.
There is nothing I can do.
GENETIC
I just am this way, bad at love.
They just are that way (fill in your complaint here).
VICTIM
They started it.
They’re worse.
They will never change.
My childhood/their childhood means success is impossible.
I’m too tired/busy.
EVERYONE ELSE
All relationships suck, who’s nailin it?
PAST PRECEDENT
It has never worked before, why would it work now?
DONE ENOUGH
I’ve tried everything.
I’m always the one who has to do everything, I quit.
I hear you and I feel you and it’s not that these excuses aren’t legit or factually accurate, it's just that they are not worth selling out your dream for LOVE over!!
Excuses rob you of your confidence and your happiness because they get you off the hook from taking action!
If you want to be someone who defeats excuses and stands up for your LOVE dream, join the Love-in Community and let us support you in fighting for the exquisite love life that you deserve.
You have to do something about your dream in order to realize it:
Debunk your excuses
Get into action!
If you’re curious about how the Love-in Community can support you but not yet ready to commit, send me an email so we can arrange a free-pass to an upcoming session.
