Should I Give A Guy I Wasn't Attracted To A Second Chance?

So, you aren’t attracted at first, but you’re lonely, and you are looking for the love of your life! And maybe you haven't made such good choices in the past when you picked based on what you were attracted to, so….

Maybe you want to change your type to a nicer, better guy?!

Maybe your “type” got you into a toxic relationship, or just plain didn’t lead to a healthy relationship with long-term potential. Maybe the only reason you’re even considering someone new is because you're tired of old habits that haven’t worked out.

Sound familiar?

Well, then, you might be wondering… Is giving someone a second chance a good idea, even if the attraction wasn’t there the first time? This is a very common question I get as a dating coach.

Let’s take a look at a DM I got recently:

This is so common, especially among mature daters who are doing some soul-searching and want to make bigger changes in their dating life. It’s a turning point: the moment you question whether your “type” is helping or hurting your chances of real love.

I’ve been a relationship expert and coach for over 20 years, and I can tell you—second chance relationships are sometimes the ones that lead to the healthiest, happiest connections. But not always.

This is a very popular issue, and here is what I have learned from years of success with my clients finding love:

1. You should not sacrifice attraction. If there is zero to find cute, cut bait and say bye-bye. But if you like EVERYTHING else and he’s just not your type…stay in the game a little longer!

2. Don’t be attached to your “type.” Many many people who are happily paired up report that the person did not at first appear to be “their type,” but there was something appealing–could be the swagger, the style, the smell, the smile, or most often the way the person made them feel!  Lean into what is making you feel good.

3. Tell the truth. When it comes to chemistry and physical attraction, lots of things are changeable. Height and penis size are NOT among them, but clothing, weight, style, teeth, nails, grooming (and the "motion of the ocean") are all changeable! 

Don’t Sacrifice Attraction Entirely in the First Place 

If there’s absolutely nothing about this person that stirs up real feelings, no spark, no warm smile, no charm in their voice during a phone call—then this might be a “no” from the start.

Second chance means something only if there was something to begin with!

But if the person makes you laugh, seems emotionally mature, and seems like they’d make a great partner—just not your typical “hot guy” type—this might be your best shot at a great relationship.

Too many people treat physical attraction as a black-and-white issue. But for many of us, attraction is layered. It can be physical, emotional, intellectual, and energetic.

Maybe you’re not immediately physically wowed, but he’s got a sense of humor, he’s kind, and he’s clearly looking for a healthy relationship. Maybe he sends thoughtful messages, or delivers a rarely genuine apology for a minor slip-up. These are signs of emotional intelligence that go a long way—longer than abs or designer shoes ever will. 

It’s okay to believe that attraction can grow. Sometimes the best thing you can do is give it a little more time. But only 1 or 2 more dates if you are following my 3-date strategy.

Second Date? Here’s When It’s a Good Idea

If you’ve already met once and didn’t feel a strong spark, but also didn’t see any red flags, then the second date is your chance to see what’s beneath the surface.

In fact, second dates can be some of the most revealing experiences when it comes to figuring out compatibility. You’ve both relaxed a little, you’ve gotten the first-date jitters out of the way, and now you can start to build an actual emotional connection—if it’s there to build.

But if you noticed signs of bad behavior—rudeness to servers, offhand sexist remarks, emotional immaturity—do not give a second chance just because you’re afraid to be alone.

That’s one of the worst things you can do to your own self-worth.

Emergency Situations vs Dating Confusion

Now, I want to make something clear. It can get worse than "bad behavior."  If there was any sign of danger, manipulation, or emotional abuse—that’s an emergency situation. There is definitely no second chance in this case.

In fact, do not hesitate to contact your local law enforcement agency or use an emergency number for support. You may be saving a less savvy woman in the future.

This article is not meant to address such a crisis, but rather a common dilemma. You’re asking yourself: Is this worth giving a second look?

The best way to decide is to check in with your gut and your goals. Is this person offering the qualities you say you want? Have you given them enough time to show you who they are?

A Little Graceful Truth-Telling Can Go a Long Way

Often, attraction is the issue holding you back. So, let’s talk about something people are scared to say out loud: physical attraction can be enhanced.

If he’s into you and wants to make it work, it is okay to tell a man (very gracefully) the TRUTH about what would turn you on in terms of his look. The caveat is that it has to be something he can change. Telling him he's too short is just cruel, but saying you'd love to have a little fun with his wardrobe or his haircut could be fine. Saying you want to work out together could be just the incentive he's been waiting for.  

I could show you some amazing before-and-after photos! Sometimes he’s just waiting for you to guide and encourage him, and make it worth his efforts!

From my coaching seat, I’ve seen women transform a “meh” connection into a hot one by guiding their man with warmth and encouragement.

It’s not about controlling someone—it’s about sharing what helps you feel turned on, connected, inspired, horny(?)

It's A Balance

At the end of the day, the goal is to form a connection that leads to something lasting. That’s not going to happen if you’re forcing feelings that aren’t there. But it also won’t happen if you dismiss every guy who doesn’t fit an outdated idea of your “perfect man.”

This is your chance to stretch into the dating world with fresh eyes, healthier boundaries, and a lot more openness to what a great relationship could really look like.

So, should you give him a second chance? 

Want to watch a video about determining your true type? It's here: 

Frequently Asked Questions About Giving Someone a Second Chance in Dating

1. How do I know if I’m being too picky or if there’s just no attraction?

If you feel zero chemistry—no curiosity, no desire to kiss, no spark at all—that’s likely a sign to move on. But if you're just unsure because he’s not your “usual type,” give it a little time. Many great relationships start with a slow burn.

2. Is it okay to tell a man I’d be more attracted to him if he changed something about his appearance?

Yes, if it’s done with kindness and encouragement. If he’s emotionally invested, he may be happy to make small adjustments, especially if it helps you feel more connected. Think of it as collaborative, not critical.

3. Should I go on a second date even if I wasn’t physically attracted to him on the first?

If the first date was respectful, warm, and interesting, and you liked everything else about him—yes, a second date is a good idea. Sometimes attraction builds with deeper emotional connection.

4. What if I’ve made bad choices in the past—how do I avoid repeating them?

Be honest with yourself about patterns and “types” that haven’t worked. Use your dating experiences as data and stay committed to what you want emotionally, not just what’s familiar.

5. Can a second chance really lead to a serious, long-term relationship?

Absolutely. Many people report that their happiest relationships began when they gave someone a chance outside their usual expectations. Real love often grows in unexpected places—when you lead with an open heart and clear intention.

Love,