5 Strategies to Infuse more Romance
December 31, 2023
(if that's Your New Year's Resolution)
If you are looking for New Year’s resolutions for your love life, take this quiz!
Are you showing up the way you want to show up? If not, this quiz will give you some very good ideas for improvement.
I have been a dating and relationship coach for the last 20 years, and been with my husband– keeping it hot– for the last 30!
Why can it be challenging to keep things romantic when you live with a partner?
"Familiarity breeds contempt" is a cliché for a reason, and before it breeds contempt it breeds boredom! It's pure science that novelty excites us, and familiarity feels perhaps more safe and wholesome, but less romantic. This is why you should endeavor to have separate bathrooms. #relationshipgoals.
And why is it important to make the effort to reignite the romance?
It's important to make an effort precisely because it doesn't--and shouldn't--come naturally after a certain period of time, no matter how hot it was at the start, or how right you may be for each other.
Making an effort to keep romance alive not only ensures the longevity of the relationship, it ensures the quality of the relationship.
Strategies for infusing more romance into your relationship when you live together fall under 3 categories: fun, communication and expressions of love.
FUN
1) Date night: You must have a dedicated weekly date night where you do something. Take turns planning the date with the aim to surprise, delight, and romance your partner.
2) Trying new things: You must commit to doing new things together--new activities, meeting new people, and doing new things in the bedroom. Novelty is the stuff of romance. My husband and I spend one afternoon a month with the door locked and triple-bolted trying new things in bed (and planning vacations with any leftover time.) We have 3 kids and more-than-full-time jobs so if we can ignore our “too busy” excuses, so can you!
COMMUNICATION
1. Feelings time: The best way to stay present and connected is to dedicate regular time for talking about feelings. Not just logistics, the weather, how was your day, what should we have for dinner... but actual feelings. My husband and I take time each and every morning to literally just download HOW WE FEEL, and the other just listens with no judgment.
We don't dare talk logistics or problem solve until that is out of the way. We have a culture of truth telling, because that is the only way to keep intimacy alive.
2. Getting resolved: Like tip number one we also have rituals for conflict resolution. Again we encourage each other to tell the truth about how we feel and what we need so we know there will be conflicts. We don't discuss them with the other without consent, and when we do we make sure the upset person gets heard and understood before the other person gets a turn. We know we will occasionally need to make time for this and it makes us healthier, happier and more in love.
EXPRESSIONS OF LOVE
1. Do the thing they like: Find out what your partner likes: is it professions of love, detailed descriptions of your positive attributes, poetry, love notes, gifts, song, bragging to others about you, tickling your back, tickling your front, or eye gazing? Everyone finds romance in something different. You must learn what your partner loves and regularly offer it.
My husband finds it very romantic if I surprise him with food, or do one of his chores. I find it very romantic when he clutter clears, or organizes our finances. We both find a good poem very meaningful, but don't particularly get off on tangible gifts. See, everyone is different!
Ready to Bring the Spark Back?
Whether you're newly committed or decades in, romance takes intention. If you're ready to learn how to reconnect, rekindle, and reignite your relationship—join me for my free webinar “3 Secrets to Finding and Maintaining Healthy Love.” You'll get my best coaching tools to transform your love life starting now.
Love,
Frequently Asked Questions about Keeping Romance Alive
What if my partner doesn’t seem interested in romance anymore?
It’s common for long-term partners to fall into routines. Instead of judging or blaming, lead with curiosity. Ask them gently what feels romantic or loving to them now, and share what you’re missing. Small, consistent gestures can reignite interest.
How do I start a “feelings talk” without making it awkward or heavy?
Start small and make it a ritual. Try saying, “Can we spend five minutes just checking in emotionally?” Keep the tone light and honest. Over time, it gets easier and builds deeper intimacy.
We already do date nights, but they feel stale. What can we do?
Novelty is key. Rotate who plans the date each week and set a rule that it must include one “new” element—like trying a new cuisine, playing a game, or going somewhere unexpected. And yes, even switching up the bedroom counts!
What if my partner and I have different love languages?
That’s normal—and workable. The key is to learn each other’s preferences and offer love in their language, not just your own. If they love physical touch and you prefer words, try combining both: a warm hug with a compliment goes a long way.
Is it really possible to keep the spark alive after decades together?
Absolutely. It’s not about waiting for sparks to fly—it’s about generating them intentionally. The couples who stay “in love” are the ones who treat romance as an ongoing, creative practice. You don’t fall in love once—you keep choosing it.