Would Pavlok-style Shock Therapy Work For Your Relationship Problems?
October 2, 2022
When I first tried to stop my bad habit of interrupting, it was VERY hard!
I knew it didn’t help my relationship and was considered socially wrong, but I didn’t find I had the willpower to stop.
If you have ever tried to break a bad habit, you probably know what I am talking about. Wanting to change was not enough.
When I saw the Pavlok watch, it got me thinking about how useful it would have been to get an electric shock every time I did this behavior I knew I wanted to stop. (This isn’t an ad for Pavlok, so I won’t be linking to it.)
According to Pavlok's self-description, their device is "a watch that helps you break bad habits… with old conditioning techniques. Using the accompanying app, you set the habit you wish to quit. Then you or someone else can use the device to deliver a mild electrical zap when you indulge in your bad habit."
Doing it the old-fashioned way, where my own consequence for the bad behavior of interrupting was very subtle, it escalated so slowly over time that I barely ever noticed it. That is, until my husband felt so unheard (ten years into our relationship) that he was ready to divorce me!
If I had been forced to FEEL a consequence, every time, I think it would have changed my behavior MUCH MUCH faster.
(Imagine the results if my husband was the one controlling the electric shocks? In reality, he’s too nice to agree to anything like that even though the device comes with a phone app which can enable someone to zap someone else remotely. But it only works if you endure the conditioning of the zap, not if it trains you to preemptively grab your husband each time you see him reaching for his phone.)
Once I found a coach–who I hired, in part, to help me save my marriage–she came up with an old school way to keep me on my toes about interrupting. Same concept as the watch, and I’d impose the artificial consequence on myself.
To this day, if I catch myself interrupting my husband (or he catches me), I have to do one of his household chores. That’s my self-designed consequence. Why does this consequence work? It’s annoying and pretty immediate. It trains my brain to find ways to avoid interrupting, rather than excusing it once I do it.
Due to this self-imposed artificial consequence, I’ve changed my behavior almost completely, and I’ve certainly rectified my entitlement to interrupt. However, I’m now wondering if the technology of an even more immediate consequence would have been more effective and/or produced faster results.
What do you think? What’s worked for you in regards to changing bad behaviors? What do you think would work for you? Leave a comment below.
And if you know you need a coach, schedule a consultation to learn more.
Ready to stop sabotaging your relationship—and start doing better?
Watch my free webinar, “3 Secrets to Finding and Maintaining Healthy Love,” where I’ll show you how to break bad habits, speak powerfully, and take ownership in love. You don’t need shock therapy—just some honest coaching and a solid plan.
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Love,
Frequently Asked Questions about Changing Bad Relationship Habits
Can consequences really change behavior in relationships?
Yes—if they’re consistent, immediate, and annoying enough to make you want to avoid the behavior next time. The goal isn’t punishment, but awareness and accountability that rewires your patterns over time.
What’s the difference between guilt and a useful consequence?
Guilt is vague and passive. A consequence is clear and actionable. Doing your partner’s chore after interrupting them, for example, creates a link in your brain between the habit and an outcome—so it’s more likely to change.
How do I choose a good consequence for myself?
Pick something mildly unpleasant or inconvenient (like giving up screen time or doing a chore) and commit to following through every time the behavior happens. Bonus points if your partner is involved in the accountability—but only if it feels safe and fun.
What if I don’t notice I’m doing the bad habit until later?
That’s totally normal. Self-awareness grows with practice. You can still impose the consequence retroactively—and you’ll get faster at catching yourself in the moment over time.
Can coaching really help with bad habits in love?
Absolutely. A good coach helps you get honest about what’s not working, design meaningful consequences, and stick to your commitments. Sometimes you need someone outside the relationship to help you take charge of your patterns—with compassion and a plan.